Is this your job application?
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy
submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in
Florida........and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
$185,000 a year plus stock options
and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible,
make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management
Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection
of stolen pens and
REASON FOR LEAVING:
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're
better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one,
would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job, no. On my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model
who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd
like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
SIGN HERE: Aries.