You should read Jeff Moden's article about Tally Tables. They're super useful once you understand how to use them

Can't you check the Parameters.Count property to see how many items are selected and use that to determine whether an object is visible?  Something like

Ctl.Visible = (Parameters.Count>=2)

You can't upload/serve SSRS 2016 reports on SSRS 2012.

Welcome aboard. 
What we're asking for is a create table script and some insert statements.... something we can run so we have some data to work with.  Since you're new...

I learned Access first, and the whole mutant query engine/VBA thing was just weird.

Amen to that. I think the querying capability in Access is meh on a good day. I was asking originally because I was looking at a job posting where I...

Thanks Eirikur. I considered that... just seems there really isn't a good lightweight way in Access. =(

I wish there were an equivalent to ROW_NUMBER() in Access. Sooo handy in SQL Server!  Thanks!

For static information, just drop in a textbox... (Haven't you used SSRS for the past 2 years or so now?)
For the back side... might be a little trickier... You...

Maybe Jess Borland's example will help:
http://blogs.lessthandot.com/index.php/datamgmt/dbprogramming/mssqlserver/creating-mailing-labels-in-sql/