I was curious about how this would actually work, were they using the equivalent of a desktop water-cooling rig (heatsink on CPUs with water flowing through to a radiator) or...

The run_duration column isn't actually a "time" datatype, it's an INT.  So there's some weird query gymnastics you have to go through to get it from something like 243834 to...

Without knowing what updates were applied, we can only speculate.

I will say that where I work our anti-virus / anti-malware is exceptionally aggressive and has "broken" my SQL...

I think the first question most will ask is, what have you tried so far to accomplish this?
Take a look at using a GROUP BY query.

I find it almost amusing that every time MS does something related to Open Source, you get comments from people who feel MS hasn't moved past the "embrace, extend, extinguish"...

It sounds like a step is missing in your description somewhere.

Is DB_One being restored to the same server it was backed up on, or a different server (or...

I'm presuming when you run it as a non-sysadmin, it throws an error of some sort?
What I might do is, because it's trying to hit the file system, is...

You know who I haven't seen posts from in a while?
The canine from Cardiff...

Sample code that people post in articles and the like is almost never going to be "production ready."  It's simply there so that someone can see the *how* of doing...