The humor questions always have a disproportionate number of points. They're fun, and hopefully everyone gets them right so it doesn't matter.

13 being a bad luck, spooky kind of number...

you can still use the scripting or the T-SQL, but do it in an SSIS package.

You use BIDS to create a package, add a T-SQL task, and include your T-SQL...

SQL just doesn't work well with large strings. I'd suggest that you take another look at what you're doing.

Perhaps post what you're trying to accomplish with this string and we...

I'm not sure it's a cliff jumping, and our OP feels her thread was a little hijacked.

Please debate this elsewhere. Although it's a good debate, it appears the question was...

I favor the offline approach, but you're likely to upset some people. Instead, if you suspect something isn't being touched, set it to autoclose. It will close, but more importantly,...

You likely have subscribers not picking up the updates, which is why the distributor is so large.

Replication Monitor should help you determine where the holdups are.

Reinstall is all you can do. There are too many things touched in the registry, files, etc.

You can easily detach databases, uninstall, reinstall, and attach them again.

You're also going to change recovery when you start the server. Doesn't sound like a big deal until people are calling you constantly about how long the server takes to...

SSIS has an XML provider that should read from a URL. Or you can create a CLR component to do this.

It's not built into the server, nor should it be....

there used to be a couple from Microsoft, .Text I think, but not sure if it used sprocs.

Same for Diffs (as Gail mentioned). Just ignore the scheduling, they work around each other.

Do you have PAE enabled?

Is this 32 bit and 2005? You posted in a 2000 forum, please be aware of where you are posting. (moved).

http://www.sql-server-performance.com/articles/per/awe_memory_sql2000_p1.aspx should help you.

Also, are the...

Honestly I wouldn't do this in T-sQL, at least not directly in the server. Do it in a package, contain it, use a proxy for Agent, and then start the...

I'm not sure you can do what you want. A view is like a table, it has one row per company (based on other data) or it doesn't.

You could do...

Create a domain or local user, assign no rights. By default, they should have very few rights on the domain. Meaning EVERYONE shouldn't be assigned any rights.

You can restrict this...