October 12, 2016 at 6:57 pm
Interesting!
It is a good idea to carefully seek out the people that do want to chat. Then you are less likely to annoy folks.
Some people need space. I liken it to rebuilding indexes after a days transactions at work. Just don't annoy them. Give them space.
But some people have rebuilt their indexes and would really like to use them. That is they have something interesting to chat about and would really like to. To ignore that person is to neglect a community building opportunity. A person wanting to chat only needs to find other chatters using low threat techniques.
Some people have very scary connection methods. For example it is like: 'Hi my name is guest and my password is guest and I grant you select permissions on everything in my database.'
People respond by going 'I never have a username and password the same in my security systems. Your database is vulnerable. Connection refused.' Which is like a blank stare of gruff response.
The basics are ...
People with headphones in are not wanting to chat.
People consistently staring out the window or at their phone probably do not want to chat.
People looking at you with an unthreatening genuine smile may want to chat.
People reading a book...now that is interesting...the thing is how 'attached' are they to their book?
Once I sat down near someone reading a book. I got my book out but before I commenced reading it I asked 'What are you reading?' The person responded by lifting the book up and turning their head to the side so they could read the book while they showed me the cover. I politely replied 'oh thanks' and then read my book. They lowered their book without breaking eye contact with it.
So they were highly attached to the book and any further communication attempts would be annoying. So I desisted.
However another day I was crammed up against the door with one other person facing me reading a book. So I tried once more 'What are you reading? or Is it a good book?' The person closed their book and said 'I am glad someone started to talk, this book is so boring.' So we chatted all the way from town, about 20 min. People are interesting.
Another low threat technique is to comment genuinely at the beauty of nature as you pass it. When the sun is rising/setting over the ocean and the clouds part and a beam of light hits the water showing a collection of boats aligned by the wind. It is 'normal' to express something in the moment as the train passes it. Like 'wow look at that.' If the person next to you is sharing the moment then you have a connection. However even if they agree it is beautiful they still may not want to chat.
Recognizing who wants to chat and what about and how much in a public place is a skill.
Some comments or questions can expose a person in public. That is not a goal.
I liken the technique to managing databases. Back people up with your comments. Don't rave on about 'passwords'. If you sense 'key loggers' or third party people tracking your conversations to intently then that is to be avoided as well.
There are a few techniques to chatting in public. I once met a guy who was certified in both avionics and air frames maintenance of aircraft. Those two areas are individually intense and, to be qualified in both, is not common. Similarly some people do have the public chat skills. And if you met a good one in operation it is an art.
If you have had a successfully chat a good comment is 'Nice to met you or nice to talk with you.'
Graham Okely
October 21, 2016 at 1:49 pm
I totally get what you are saying Graham. When I did my MSc it was mainly whilst commuting on trains. I would put headphones in, even if I wasn't listening to anything, and be clearly focussed on my study. I could not understand how some people could not appreciate that I was working. On the other hand when I wasn't, I was more than happy to engage in conversation.
Gaz
-- Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen...they're everywhere!!!
September 11, 2023 at 6:54 am
When this post was first published I was commuting two hours each way to contract work in a city with an hour of that on the train. My train time was my relax time and my Windows tablet became my sanity retainer - no room to use a laptop in the sardine can commuter trains - and I would read downloaded library e-books or Kindle books and also items around the German language I was learning then. Also I would use the time to convert previously scanned images into knitting patterns using the DesignaKnit software and prepare some designs for my hobby machine knitting, learning more about the software as I worked. I'd see a few of the same people in the mornings but the return journey was more manic with less chance of getting a seat and there wasn't chat between strangers. Most just seemed to want a bit of downtime. Wifi wasn't always available either, especially on the older trains.
Now thanks mainly to covid, I commute once a week by car to a permanent role with a 30 minute rural drive to the edge of a different city and only one queue to handle. I don't even bother to put the radio on since it's such a short journey and far more relaxed even though I'm driving.
September 11, 2023 at 1:45 pm
First, I'll turn on the radio to NPR news (I hate political\entertainment talk radio and morning rock DJs shows). If there isn't a good feature on, then I'll switch over to SQL Server or TED Talk related recording on CD.
Eric, that is hilarious. NPR? You hate political? Last time I listened to NPR, probably 50 years ago, it was one of the two most political sources available, right up there with CNN, whom I also have not listened to in ages. Of course, maybe I'm 'out of tune' now.
But on the other hand, there is Fox, whom I now call the 'Boob Tube' of the news, due to the flood of scantily clad females featured every day.
Rick
Disaster Recovery = Backup ( Backup ( Your Backup ) )
September 11, 2023 at 8:13 pm
My 'comute to work' is down to about 25 feet to the coffee pot. My wife and I have put in 44 years together next month, (both had to back up and begin again) and from the beginning we have always had our coffee in bed together before we start our day. Until we lost her two years ago we were joined by our Lupe, 14-year-old Golden Retriever. 13 years after retiring, we still wake up early and have coffee together. 'Work' for my wife is in to the sewing room, and for me it is across the hall to my 'playroom', our home office.
What time do we get up? When we darn well feel like it.
So while you are on your way to work, think about the time when you don't have to go to work.
Rick
Disaster Recovery = Backup ( Backup ( Your Backup ) )
September 12, 2023 at 12:44 pm
On the one day a week I drive into the office for a day, I usually put on our local all-news-all-the-time AM station. Mostly to catch traffic and weather. I'm not a fan of music radio stations, mostly because either they don't play songs I want to hear, or the constant "play a song, commercials, DJs yammering for 10 minutes trying to be amusing, commercials, more DJs nattering, finally a song and I HATE THIS SONG."
As for what I'm thinking on those drives, I generally try to "zen" out and manage the driving, with a little "what needs doing today" mixed in as I get closer to the office.
The other work days? When my commute is the 30ft from one end of the house to the other? Getting the coffee pot ready, the PC turned on and logged in, and not tripping over the cat while going to the kitchen.
September 12, 2023 at 2:33 pm
Eric M Russell wrote:First, I'll turn on the radio to NPR news (I hate political\entertainment talk radio and morning rock DJs shows). If there isn't a good feature on, then I'll switch over to SQL Server or TED Talk related recording on CD.
Eric, that is hilarious. NPR? You hate political? Last time I listened to NPR, probably 50 years ago, it was one of the two most political sources available, right up there with CNN, whom I also have not listened to in ages. Of course, maybe I'm 'out of tune' now.
But on the other hand, there is Fox, whom I now call the 'Boob Tube' of the news, due to the flood of scantily clad females featured every day.
Seven years later, and I still listen to NPR in the car. However, since I work from home now, most of my listening in general are podcasts on YouTube or the Overcast app. This is typically David Pakman, PBS NewsHour, TYT, and documentaries about history and current events, local news stations.
Good tech related podcasts are Microsoft Data Exposed and SQL Server Radio. It has to be a channel with content formatted for a listening audience.
"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Instead, seek what they sought." - Matsuo Basho
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