Today's Humor..

  • Zubius

    SSC Veteran

    Points: 271

    A vendor's help desk provided us with this stellar support.

    “You can let your DBA know that our databases must be set to “Simple” logging and they must be shrunk AND Repaired regularly – especially with the heavy use y’all give them.“

    SMH...

  • Lynn Pettis

    SSC Guru

    Points: 442311

    Zubius (7/30/2014)


    A vendor's help desk provided us with this stellar support.

    “You can let your DBA know that our databases must be set to “Simple” logging and they must be shrunk AND Repaired regularly – especially with the heavy use y’all give them.“

    SMH...

    What? And what if your business requires point in time recovery as part of its recovery processes? Simple recovery model won't give you that.

  • Eirikur Eiriksson

    SSC Guru

    Points: 182430

    Flash from the Access database passed :sick:

    😎

  • Alvin Ramard

    SSC-Forever

    Points: 41190

    WAIT!!!! What kind of database MUST be repaired regularly???? :w00t:



    Alvin Ramard
    Memphis PASS Chapter[/url]

    All my SSC forum answers come with a money back guarantee. If you didn't like the answer then I'll gladly refund what you paid for it.

    For best practices on asking questions, please read the following article: Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help[/url]

  • Luis Cazares

    SSC Guru

    Points: 183633

    Don't forget to use NOLOCK hints on all your queries and never ever run DBCC CHECKD, update statistics or rebuild indexes. You might encounter a lot of objects locked during this operations.

    :hehe:

    PS. Just to make it safe for anyone lurking in here, this is just humor.

    Luis C.
    General Disclaimer:
    Are you seriously taking the advice and code from someone from the internet without testing it? Do you at least understand it? Or can it easily kill your server?

    How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help: Option 1 / Option 2
  • Luis Cazares

    SSC Guru

    Points: 183633

    Alvin Ramard (7/30/2014)


    WAIT!!!! What kind of database MUST be repaired regularly???? :w00t:

    The one that is shrinked regularly?

    Luis C.
    General Disclaimer:
    Are you seriously taking the advice and code from someone from the internet without testing it? Do you at least understand it? Or can it easily kill your server?

    How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help: Option 1 / Option 2
  • Eirikur Eiriksson

    SSC Guru

    Points: 182430

    Luis Cazares (7/30/2014)


    Alvin Ramard (7/30/2014)


    WAIT!!!! What kind of database MUST be repaired regularly???? :w00t:

    The one that is shrinked regularly?

    Guess shrinked is the simple mode and shrunken is the full recovery mode

    😎

  • Luis Cazares

    SSC Guru

    Points: 183633

    Eirikur Eiriksson (7/30/2014)


    Luis Cazares (7/30/2014)


    Alvin Ramard (7/30/2014)


    WAIT!!!! What kind of database MUST be repaired regularly???? :w00t:

    The one that is shrinked regularly?

    Guess shrinked is the simple mode and shrunken is the full recovery mode

    😎

    Go ahead, make fun of my lousy english 😛

    Actually, that might help me to remember the correct form.

    Luis C.
    General Disclaimer:
    Are you seriously taking the advice and code from someone from the internet without testing it? Do you at least understand it? Or can it easily kill your server?

    How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help: Option 1 / Option 2
  • Alvin Ramard

    SSC-Forever

    Points: 41190

    Luis Cazares (7/30/2014)


    Eirikur Eiriksson (7/30/2014)


    Luis Cazares (7/30/2014)


    Alvin Ramard (7/30/2014)


    WAIT!!!! What kind of database MUST be repaired regularly???? :w00t:

    The one that is shrinked regularly?

    Guess shrinked is the simple mode and shrunken is the full recovery mode

    😎

    Go ahead, make fun of my lousy english 😛

    Actually, that might help me to remember the correct form.

    Which form? The first normal form? 😀



    Alvin Ramard
    Memphis PASS Chapter[/url]

    All my SSC forum answers come with a money back guarantee. If you didn't like the answer then I'll gladly refund what you paid for it.

    For best practices on asking questions, please read the following article: Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help[/url]

  • SQLRNNR

    SSC Guru

    Points: 281243

    Sadly I have heard that same recommendation from more than one vendor and it is even printed in some vendor documentation for databases on SQL Server.

    Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
    _______________________________________________
    I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
    SQL RNNR
    Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
    Learn Extended Events

  • Evil Kraig F

    SSC Guru

    Points: 100851

    SQLRNNR (7/30/2014)


    Sadly I have heard that same recommendation from more than one vendor and it is even printed in some vendor documentation for databases on SQL Server.

    From one particular vendor, heavily paraphrased for clarity: "We implemented horrible ORM practices so we update every record everywhere every time you update a single attribute in a table four levels down. Due to this, our log files explode inside of an hour. Please don't have any chance of recovering your data because this is the standard we've chosen. Do differential backups hourly if you're concerned. Have a nice day."


    - Craig Farrell

    Never stop learning, even if it hurts. Ego bruises are practically mandatory as you learn unless you've never risked enough to make a mistake.

    For better assistance in answering your questions[/url] | Forum Netiquette
    For index/tuning help, follow these directions.[/url] |Tally Tables[/url]

    Twitter: @AnyWayDBA

  • SQLRNNR

    SSC Guru

    Points: 281243

    Evil Kraig F (7/30/2014)


    SQLRNNR (7/30/2014)


    Sadly I have heard that same recommendation from more than one vendor and it is even printed in some vendor documentation for databases on SQL Server.

    From one particular vendor, heavily paraphrased for clarity: "We implemented horrible ORM practices so we update every record everywhere every time you update a single attribute in a table four levels down. Due to this, our log files explode inside of an hour. Please don't have any chance of recovering your data because this is the standard we've chosen. Do differential backups hourly if you're concerned. Have a nice day."

    That sounds like the Vendor for one my current clients.

    Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
    _______________________________________________
    I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
    SQL RNNR
    Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
    Learn Extended Events

  • Zubius

    SSC Veteran

    Points: 271

    Ima LMAO at the responses here.. Thanks!

  • Grant Fritchey

    SSC Guru

    Points: 396476

    Zubius (7/30/2014)


    A vendor's help desk provided us with this stellar support.

    “You can let your DBA know that our databases must be set to “Simple” logging and they must be shrunk AND Repaired regularly – especially with the heavy use y’all give them.“

    SMH...

    That's lovely. And have you put the vendor into the on call rotation so that they can take part in the entertaining event that your first disaster recovery test will be? I sure would.

    ----------------------------------------------------
    The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood...
    Theodore Roosevelt

    The Scary DBA
    Author of: SQL Server 2017 Query Performance Tuning, 5th Edition and SQL Server Execution Plans, 3rd Edition
    Product Evangelist for Red Gate Software

  • Beatrix Kiddo

    SSC-Dedicated

    Points: 32407

    I love it! Always compact and repair your SQL Server databases :-D!

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