Does the Tone matter?

  • Comments posted to this topic are about the item Does the Tone matter?

  • Hi,
    IMO, tone does matter, we are all people ... All people deserve respect and dignity. It is true that some are more sensitive than others. I include myself in that. I don't see it as a fault, in fact it can be advantageous to be that way inclined because you tend to treat others better. However, if I were on the receiving end of such rudeness as you describe, I would have a frank discussion with the person concerned and how such behaviour affects my ability to work in a negative way.
    When I was learning to drive thirty-odd years ago, my driving instructor called be abusive names and ranted over every mistake I made. Now maybe in his experience some people did respond to that, I don't know, but it just made me worse and wound me up causing me to make more and more mistakes. I had a frank conversation about his behaviour and how it was affecting me and he changed his behaviour to so suit me. I passed my driving test first time after only 21 hours behind the wheel.
    The point I am making is that I would want to give the person an opportunity to change and become more effective as a result.

  • Successful communication is that which is received, not that which is given.

  • Being rude and blunt may be effective on short term but will damage people i.e. disastrous on long term. It’s this lack of empathy and too much ego that finally will hamper business as well. 

  • Shushing an adult in the workplace is extremely disrespectful.

  • Context is very important. We each deserve to show to and be shown respect from others.
    One should not automatically expect the immediate attention from others though.
    For those working under stress (and especially a looming deadline or emergency), their tone may be less courteous than usual. As long as the circumstances are clear, it should be accepted.
    I won't be too surprised, for example, if the sysadmins aren't able to help me with a rights' problem if one of the load-balancers has gone down and it's all hands on deck. If their tome with me is less than its usual politeness, then the reason is clear.

  • Yes, the tone matters. A lot.
    For leaders, the tone is the measure of *formal* respect for the people working for them, because in working env we could say nothing about the "real" human respect. So at least the "formal" respect is the only thing that remains.
    So it is absolutely mandatory in working enviroment. No excuses. Would like to be a good PM ? Be polite AND firm, evoke the goals, show the necessary path, motivate, even clearly disagree, but... Respect the people.
    Adding colours, to be rude often match to be not so technically brilliant. 
    Courtesy does not cost, and gets a lot, as well as being morally a duty.
    He did well leaving.

    "Chi semina vento raccoglie tempesta"
    "Who seeds wind shall harvest storm"

  • Tone does certainly matter and I don't think shushing is appropriate - it would not be taken well by me for sure. I would accept that there are circumstances where it is appropriate and acceptable to interrupt a colleague - for instance in a crisis meeting when you can hear they are going down a blind alley or talking without understanding circumstances that you can explain. I'd normally put my hand up and say 'We really need to be looking at why X is happening right now - it seem to be because...' or 'Sorry Ted, the site has already been moved to framework X so we will need to try ....' which I hope is adequately respectful.

  • Shut up! Of course it matters! "Manners maketh man" and all that...

  • call.copse - Tuesday, May 15, 2018 3:43 AM

    Tone does certainly matter and I don't think shushing is appropriate - it would not be taken well by me for sure. I would accept that there are circumstances where it is appropriate and acceptable to interrupt a colleague - for instance in a crisis meeting when you can hear they are going down a blind alley or talking without understanding circumstances that you can explain. I'd normally put my hand up and say 'We really need to be looking at why X is happening right now - it seem to be because...' or 'Sorry Ted, the site has already been moved to framework X so we will need to try ....' which I hope is adequately respectful.

    Well said...

  • allinadazework - Tuesday, May 15, 2018 3:47 AM

    Shut up! Of course it matters! "Manners maketh man" and all that...

    That was funny..

  • It seems folks have become rather thin skinned in the last couple of decades.
    Did your Ma  never tell you about "sticks and stones"?

  • It absolutely does matter. Being rude will get you nowhere in business. Short term it might not matter as much, but medium to long term this "shusher" will see people leave the company at the expense of the company and everyone involved.

  • russ mulvaney - Tuesday, May 15, 2018 5:00 AM

    It seems folks have become rather thin skinned in the last couple of decades.
    Did your Ma  never tell you about "sticks and stones"?

    Good point. I do remember the old adage 'Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me'. 
    But isn't 'The word is mightier than the sword' also true. 

    I guess many people have become thin skinned due to 'politeness, courtesy and respect' becoming common in work places. But isn't that a good thing? 

  • russ mulvaney - Tuesday, May 15, 2018 5:00 AM

    It seems folks have become rather thin skinned in the last couple of decades.
    Did your Ma  never tell you about "sticks and stones"?

    Yes, she did thank you. She also taught me good manners and to respect other people, including young people!

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