May 15, 2018 at 5:57 am
nitinbhojwani - Tuesday, May 15, 2018 5:21 AMruss mulvaney - Tuesday, May 15, 2018 5:00 AMIt seems folks have become rather thin skinned in the last couple of decades.
Did your Ma never tell you about "sticks and stones"?Good point. I do remember the old adage 'Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me'.
But isn't 'The word is mightier than the sword' also true.I guess many people have become thin skinned due to 'politeness, courtesy and respect' becoming common in work places. But isn't that a good thing?
Depends on the words, their tone and the silence in between 😉
May 15, 2018 at 6:16 am
Organizational and people skills are the most important characteristics of a good manager, more important than technical knowledge--good employees can provide that.
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-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers --
May 15, 2018 at 6:33 am
Yes, tone does matter. It is disrespectful to shush someone.
May 15, 2018 at 7:16 am
"How you say something is often more important than what you are saying." Don't know who said that, but very true. I worked with a consultant who didn't think that it mattered and was often rude to me and many others. Yet somehow expected people to be careful how they talked with him. A key reason for my leaving.
May 15, 2018 at 7:39 am
Victor Kirkpatrick - Tuesday, May 15, 2018 5:11 AMIt absolutely does matter. Being rude will get you nowhere in business. Short term it might not matter as much, but medium to long term this "shusher" will see people leave the company at the expense of the company and everyone involved.
"Attention all planets of the solar federation. We have assumed control" 😉
May 15, 2018 at 7:43 am
I'm planning on leaving my current position, mostly because I don't care for my current manager's attitude. He has an air of superiority and it is quite apparent in the way he communicates with us. I expect my manager/supervisor to align my work efforts toward the company goals, but that doesn't mean he is above me or better than me. It is a shame because it had been a fun company to work for, but I can't imagine working for this same guys for several more years.
May 15, 2018 at 7:48 am
IMHO. tone matters a lot. Yes we can be thin-skinned but courtesy and respect helps a team function well. This does not mean excusing unacceptable work and firmness is equally important.
I think that a lot depends on the circumstances and there are some technically excellent PMs who simply do not have the necessary people skills for the job. Some mentoring might be helpful.
May 15, 2018 at 7:48 am
Well, considering that I nearly dropped off a team I have been helping over tone just yesterday... it matters. And to be honest, tone of the team was a huge reason I left my last job. They were the brightest bunch I have worked with. The code quality was the best I have seen. But I got tired of team members declaring anything they didn't come up with as stupid.
When people have a choice of teams they work with/for - they will always pick teams they like to be around.
May 15, 2018 at 8:04 am
Tone definitely matters. It's not a matter of being "too thin-skinned"--no one likes to be shushed in front of others, especially in a professional work environment.
I just had an experience happen to me recently while working on a project. The person who is acting as project manager on a particular project could not get a query figured out on a remote system to be able to pass the needed data to me for processing on SQL Server. We reached out to a vendor, who said that they'd have to estimate the time needed and give us a quote. I wanted to take a shot at figuring it out (said project manager gave all sorts of excuses as to why she wouldn't give me more data, etc.) and even though I was unfamiliar with the remote system, I managed to pull down the data and query it in the format needed. At the next project meeting, the project manager said, "Molly finally got it figured out." I was very upset--I spent a day working on something that she had spent *weeks* trying to figure out and gave up and reached out to the vendor while it took me only a day--where most of my time was spent learning how to navigate the remote system. The "finally got it figured out" with the tone of voice--I'm still bothered by it. I've worked with this person for over 11 years and it's the second time she's talked down to me in front of a group of people.
It doesn't matter how well you know the person, how long you've worked with them, etc., tone matters.
May 15, 2018 at 9:14 am
Worse yet is how it makes you feel, think, act, and react. Still working on always taking the "high road"...
May 15, 2018 at 9:33 am
I mostly do not care if people are jerks and I do not take rudeness personally. So long as competent people are solving problems, I don't much care how they act. Furthermore, situations are different. Production support sometimes requires frank and direct communication. If you are on a production support team, grow some thick skin and don't be such a wuss.
May 15, 2018 at 9:45 am
russ mulvaney - Tuesday, May 15, 2018 5:00 AMIt seems folks have become rather thin skinned in the last couple of decades.
Did your Ma never tell you about "sticks and stones"?
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
The companies I've worked for where the general tone was one of respect were much more productive than the companies where it was normal for managers to yell and berate employees. When people feel disrespected, they move on to greener pastures.
May 15, 2018 at 11:06 am
Tone does matter. Similar to others' comments about the tone from their teammates / supervisors affecting them, it's part of the reason I left my last job.
My manager was quite dismissive (and not in a good way, where there would be some explanation that made sense way) of any suggestions I put forth to try to improve things (at the time, I had a lot of hats on, sysadmin / domain admin / network admin / phone system admin / probably a few more.) I would typically deliver my recommendations with (what I felt) were reasonably solid points to back them up, and would also acknowledge any potential flaws or pitfalls with the suggestions, including why I didn't think they would be large issues or how to work around them.
Generally, said suggestions were summarily turned down, often with little more than a "that's not how I want to do it." (Then WHY did you ask me to look into it with no other indication of what you were looking for???)
Regardless, said tone from the manager (and more generally from other management and co-workers) eventually was a part of my moving on from the position.
As for the people commenting about being "thin skinned," in a professional environment, people should behave appropriately. Arguably keeping a neutral tone to their voice.
May 15, 2018 at 11:37 am
Of course tone and manners matter in any business meeting, but I would not consider leaving the company (if I liked the overall job) until I talked to the offender about the incident. It is very possible that they were having a bad day or were inexperienced in meeting protocol. I have had several instances in which a conversation about the rude or inappropriate behavior solved the problem without breaking up the team. Of course this approach does not always work, but at least you know then what you are dealing with.
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