Are the posted questions getting worse?

  • So, came across this on Twitter, this morning, I figure some of the folks here ought to both get it, and get a kick out of it.

    Or beat me when they see me for it, that's a possibility...

    airline gate attendant: I understand that your little boy is difficult and hard to keep track of, but no, airline policy strictly forbids checking children in the cargo hold. you’ll have to—

    members of the band Kansas: <deep breath>

  • jasona.work wrote:

    So, came across this on Twitter, this morning, I figure some of the folks here ought to both get it, and get a kick out of it.

    Or beat me when they see me for it, that's a possibility...

    airline gate attendant: I understand that your little boy is difficult and hard to keep track of, but no, airline policy strictly forbids checking children in the cargo hold. you’ll have to—

    members of the band Kansas: <deep breath>

    I know only one Kansas song, and it's that one!

    If the answer to your question can be found with a brief Google search, please perform the search yourself, rather than expecting one of the SSC members to do it for you.
    See https://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/forum-etiquette-how-to-post-datacode-on-a-forum-to-get-the-best-help/ for details of how to post T-SQL code-related questions.

  • Following on with the food and music theme. To be sung to the tune of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody ... it's the Indian version. (Not my work.)

    Naan, just killed a man
    poppadom against his head
    Had lime pickle now he's dead.
    Naan, dinner's just begun
    But now I'm gonna crap it all away.
    Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry
    Seen nothing yet just see the loo tomorrow
    Curry on, curry on
    Cause nothing really Madras.

    Too late, my dinner's gone
    Sends shivers down my spine
    Rectum aching all the time
    Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
    Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
    Naan, ooh, ooh
    This doopiaza is so mild
    I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.

    guitar solo

    I see a little chicken tikka on the side
    Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango
    Vindaloo does nicely Very very spicy Meat!
    Byriani (Byriani)
    Byriani (Byriani)
    Byriani and a naan
    (A vindaloo loo loo loo)
    I've eaten balti, somebody help me
    He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
    Stand you well back
    'Case the loo is quarantined...
    Here it comes
    There it goes
    Technicolor yawn
    I chunder
    No!
    It's coming up again
    (There he goes)
    I chunder, it's coming back again
    (There he goes)
    Coming back again
    (up again)
    Here it comes again.
    (No no no no no no NO)
    On my knees, I'm on my knees
    On his knees, Oh, there he goes
    This vindaloo Is about to wreck my guts
    Poor me.. poor me...poor meee!

    guitar solo

    So you think you can chunder and then feel alright?
    So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
    Oh maybe, But now you'll puke like a baby
    Just had to come out
    It just had to come right out in here.

    guitar solo

    slow bit

    Korma, sag or bhuna
    bhaji, balti or naan
    Nothing makes a difference
    Nothing makes a difference
    To meee....

    (Any way, the wind blows....shshshsh)

     

    If the answer to your question can be found with a brief Google search, please perform the search yourself, rather than expecting one of the SSC members to do it for you.
    See https://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/forum-etiquette-how-to-post-datacode-on-a-forum-to-get-the-best-help/ for details of how to post T-SQL code-related questions.

  • I heard a song on the radio the other day that was a parody of Aerosmith's 'Sweet Emotions' called 'Sweet Emoji's'.  Not sure the comedians name, but it got a laugh or two out of me.  🙂

    -------------------------------------------------------------
    we travel not to escape life but for life not to escape us
    Don't fear failure, fear regret.

  • Ed Wagner wrote:

    One day, we'll have to have a meeting of that Anti-RBAR Confederation you spoke about.  We'll schedule time to talk about food. 🙂

    We shouldn't schedule time to talk about food. We need to schedule time to go eat food!!!

    _______________________________________________________________

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    Cross Tabs and Pivots, Part 1 – Converting Rows to Columns - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/T-SQL/63681/
    Cross Tabs and Pivots, Part 2 - Dynamic Cross Tabs - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Crosstab/65048/
    Understanding and Using APPLY (Part 1) - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/APPLY/69953/
    Understanding and Using APPLY (Part 2) - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/APPLY/69954/

  • ChrisM@Work wrote:

    Oh and Ed Wagner, if you're reading this - I tried your recommendation of bacon and it's absolutely wonderful, thank you so much matey.

    I missed this. What was his recommendation for bacon? I am curious because I know some of what Ed does with food. Additionally curious because I cure my own bacon. 😛

    _______________________________________________________________

    Need help? Help us help you.

    Read the article at http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Best+Practices/61537/ for best practices on asking questions.

    Need to split a string? Try Jeff Modens splitter http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Tally+Table/72993/.

    Cross Tabs and Pivots, Part 1 – Converting Rows to Columns - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/T-SQL/63681/
    Cross Tabs and Pivots, Part 2 - Dynamic Cross Tabs - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Crosstab/65048/
    Understanding and Using APPLY (Part 1) - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/APPLY/69953/
    Understanding and Using APPLY (Part 2) - http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/APPLY/69954/

  • Grant Fritchey wrote:

    Let's just say, mussels, mayo on fries and a tripel is one of my favorite meals on the planet.

    MVDBA (Mike Vessey) wrote:

    Grant Fritchey wrote:

    MVDBA (Mike Vessey) wrote:

    (and PS Grant, you are our long lost mentor, I often wonder if my father wasn't either you or steve 🙂  - we know it's not brent, he likes DMV's too much)

    You're going to need to get a court order and some DNA, because I'm denying it until I see the test. HA!

    I have the same "badger stripes" in my beard as you.. and i'm pretty sure at one of the next SQL in the city conferences I can get an account manager to steal your knife and fork for DNA.

    in a nice way, everyone in this chat room is one of your children (DBA DNA) - which makes jeff my brother (not happy) 🙂 lol

    My "badger stripes" disappeared from my beard more than a decade ago and  I'm old enough now where "It Depends" has two meanings. 😀

    --Jeff Moden


    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.
    "Change is inevitable... change for the better is not".

    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)
    Intro to Tally Tables and Functions

  • MVDBA (Mike Vessey) wrote:

    without gail, steve and joe celko busting my chops then i'm left with jeff….. not fair.

    Heh... it's what brothers do. 😀

    --Jeff Moden


    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.
    "Change is inevitable... change for the better is not".

    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)
    Intro to Tally Tables and Functions

  • Sean Lange wrote:

    Ed Wagner wrote:

    One day, we'll have to have a meeting of that Anti-RBAR Confederation you spoke about.  We'll schedule time to talk about food. 🙂

    We shouldn't schedule time to talk about food. We need to schedule time to go eat food!!!

    YUM!!!  I'll second that while I'm having seconds!

    --Jeff Moden


    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.
    "Change is inevitable... change for the better is not".

    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)
    Intro to Tally Tables and Functions

  • Phil Parkin wrote:

    Following on with the food and music theme. To be sung to the tune of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody ... it's the Indian version. (Not my work.)

    That's hil-air-e-ass!!!

    --Jeff Moden


    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.
    "Change is inevitable... change for the better is not".

    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)
    Intro to Tally Tables and Functions

  • Grant Fritchey wrote:

    jonathan.crawford wrote:

    But have either of you ever been to Belgium?

    Let's just say, mussels, mayo on fries and a tripel is one of my favorite meals on the planet.

    Mayo on fries?  That's where it comes from? Belgium?  I freakin' love mayo on fries.  Better yet, Miracle Whip or Kosher pickle juice.  Since I also spent a good part of my life in New England, I also have a real appreciation for mussels and "little necks".  My brother and I were augmenting our incomes with Quahogs... we were divers and we were equipped with 92 cubic foot tanks.  We built an on-board sorter so we didn't have to "ring" the "hogs" for size.  The "little necks" (the ones you make Clams Casino with) and the "chowda" hogs (we called them "bigs") were each going for 27 cents a piece.  We could go places the "rakers" could never go because of the "hardware" (pretty hefty rocks) on the bottom.  The water was usually never more than about 12 feet deep and so we could go for almost 3 hours on each tank if we "sucked the bottoms dry".  We usually came in riding pretty low (full boat) and generally dug out between 1800 and 2400 "little necks" and a 1000 or two of "bigs" each in just one good day on 2 tanks each.

    We found a "hot spot" with very little "hardware" on the bottom down on the west coast of Gould Island, which is owned by the U.S. Navy (they also fire MK 48 heavyweight torpedoes from the island to test them).  We got hauled out of the water one day by a group of Navy Seals.  The reason?  I hadn't realized that our sorter looked like a multi-tube mortar launcher. 😀  We all had a great laugh on that one.  We also gave them enough "little necks" (really good raw and in Clams Casino) and "bigs" (to make "stuffies" and "chowda" with) for their upcoming Family Clambake on the beach the next day.  From then on, we had "armed guards" keeping an eye on our boat while we were "down under".

    --Jeff Moden


    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.
    "Change is inevitable... change for the better is not".

    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)
    Intro to Tally Tables and Functions

  • Tonight, I'll be having haggis. Pray for me.

    ----------------------------------------------------
    The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood...
    Theodore Roosevelt

    The Scary DBA
    Author of: SQL Server 2017 Query Performance Tuning, 5th Edition and SQL Server Execution Plans, 3rd Edition
    Product Evangelist for Red Gate Software

  • Grant Fritchey wrote:

    Tonight, I'll be having haggis. Pray for me.

    Tonight, I'll be in a theatre orchestra pit for the 5th time this week.  No need for prayers - I need coffee.  Lots of coffee.

    Thomas Rushton
    blog: https://thelonedba.wordpress.com

  • I'm planning on doing another belly this summer when I do 2 pork shoulders and 6 chickens for my daughter's grad party.  She's undecided on the smoked macaroni and cheese.  I'm thinking of trying my hand at a beef brisket for the first time, too.  Heck, I might do a pork loin at the same time for Jeff.

    I'm hoping to get the Smokey Mountain to my parents' house and get the whole clan and the in-laws round and do a whole pork shoulder for them.  It will be good to able to cook for everybody and we've not got the space.

    I got a packer-cut brisket point over the summer and got good results. Not as juicy as it should be but definitely better than I've got with even large pieces of the British cut.  The problem with it is that it's too big, hard to get hold of and expensive to practice with often.  I can get whole shoulder of pork from the butcher up the road with a day to two's notice.  Packer cut brisket means trawling internet butchers and timing deliveries for when there's somebody at home.   If it goes wrong it's a lot of money wasted and if it goes right, there's an awful lot of beef for two of us.  I'm not quite confident enough to do one for the clan yet either.

     

     


    On two occasions I have been asked, "Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?" ... I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
    —Charles Babbage, Passages from the Life of a Philosopher

    How to post a question to get the most help http://www.sqlservercentral.com/articles/Best+Practices/61537

  • Grant Fritchey wrote:

    Tonight, I'll be having haggis. Pray for me.

    Haggis is great though! Haven't had it in ages mind, but I've enjoyed it every time I have. In Edinburgh for SQL Saturday by any chance?

    Thom~

    Excuse my typos and sometimes awful grammar. My fingers work faster than my brain does.
    Larnu.uk

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