I would hope no one sees a joke as a waste of time. It's intended in fun, and should have brought a smile to your face. If it didn't, perhaps...

Hey, disclaimer at the end was required. It makes the joke, to me. Without it, it's like no punch line.

Use dbcc showcontig to check fragmentation. There isn't logging for defragmenting.

Moved to SQL 2000

I believe the issue is that these are heaps. You need a clustered index on the data to defragment.

Is this a dedicated SQL Server machine? Typically you don't size on user count since any user can run any query. One user can use all resources on a server...

Are you using anonymous access to IIS? Typically you put the domain account and pwd in the IIS setup and it's not visible to users of the web app. You'll...

Grant, you ought to use that for an editorial. It's certainly something worth talking about.

Laughter

And here I was thinking 137 parameters from the limitations of the datetime data to 1, 3, or 7 as the precision. Guess I should read the thread on this...

I had to disclaim it at the end. Otherwise I suspect that there would be a lot of broken monitors, and maybe a few calls from MS legal as well....

Just so you know, this was inspired by Mrs. Tripp's index writing. We were trying to copy her style.

Sorry about that. I think I got off track somewhere with the links. I'll clean them up tomorrow

I think you're doing that now. Sorting on the subject, I'll have to see how many came in on this thread since Wed last...

The holidays are a good time to boost your score. We usually do something fun and simple.

I'm not sure MS makes money on training. If they do, it's so little that it doesn't register on the annual report. A quick scan through notes and details doesn't...