What Not To Say

  • I just also recalled the famous (or infamous) unhelpful line from Nick Burns, your company's computer guy[/url] (video): "Move!"

    - webrunner

    -------------------
    A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and asks, "Can I join you?"
    Ref.: http://tkyte.blogspot.com/2009/02/sql-joke.html

  • What Not to Say:

    "It's amazing how much damage a spilled cup of coffee can do to a production server."

    "We have all our backups securely stored in the cabinet in our server room."

    "The core of our Disaster Recovery Plan is all of us having updated resumes always ready."

    "Our utilization of RAID will help reduce the occurrence of bugs in our systems."

  • TravisDBA (1/26/2011)


    That additional memory didn't help: The only thing worse than not being able to make a good recommendation is making one that doesn't improve performance after your boss has approved the purchase. Now you look bad, and you've made your boss look bad.

    Again, this is a case of people just not knowing what the real issue is, and not having the time or energy to pursue it, so they recommend simple stuff like putting extra memory in hoping that it will solve the problem without having to do a lot of research or thinking about it. Usually these people don't last in this business. I call these kinds of people "board pullers"

    While I agree with you, I think there are exceptions depending on how it is recommended. If you say it WILL fix it and it doesn't then it's bad, however, I don't see any issue in taking a punt (and selling it as such to management) where the cost of doing so it less than the cost of finding the true issue. While not ideal, I think saying to your boss "we can source and fit some more memory for £50, which MIGHT resolve the issue, might not help at all but certainly can't do any harm, or I can spend a day testing and researching the issue to find a definitive solution, while not getting x, y and z jobs progressed". I'd argue that sometimes from a business perspective the best fix isn't always the right one. Give management the options and they can decide where the priorities are and what they feel deserves time being spent on.

  • I think saying to your boss "we can source and fit some more memory for £50, which MIGHT resolve the issue, might not help at all but certainly can't do any harm, or I can spend a day testing and researching the issue to find a definitive solution, while not getting x, y and z jobs progressed".

    I have worked for many people in the past that would definitely consider that to be a wishy-washy answer. 😀

    "Technology is a weird thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. ...:-D"

  • Eric M Russell (1/27/2011)


    Charles O'Halloran (1/27/2011)


    "You can't trust stuff you download, no matter what the Open Source crowd says."

    I'm pretty sure that is EXACTLY what the open source crowd does say. It's why they are big on the source being open, so you can see exactly what you are getting.

    If you have an open source project with 100,000 lines of source code, 100 developers known only by their email handle, and a new daily build each day, then all that transparency doesn't really matter much.

    What project do you use or had considered using that fit those three criteria?

  • When asked once how long it would take to accomplish a new task, I answered that I didn't know. I was told that that was the wrong answer. I was told to answer the question again. So I guessed — 2 days. It took me 3.

    In the meantime, I have better bosses who tell me that I have x-amount of time for a task and that if more time is needed, I need to go and put my case forward as to why it is so.

  • tommyh (1/26/2011)


    Lynn Pettis (1/25/2011)


    The sad part about this, "It works on my machine", is that I have seen. I have also the where the code changes work perfectly in development and during UA, but fail miserably in production.

    I fail to see the problem with "It works on my machine". It could be an indication that the problem lies elsewhere outside your control and that maybe other ppl should look into the problem as well. Hell could be something as trivial as the antivirus program. From personal experiance Panda for instance doesnt work well with certain development tools in some cases (had to replace it with Avast).

    /T

    I think it depends where in the development process this conversation takes place. If no testing has taken place outside one machine then you're screwed if this happens

  • P Jones (1/26/2011)


    2. "That's not in my job description."

    In my last post every job description was a set format and had as the last item "10 - Any other duties as required" which covers the second item in the original post. When something out of the ordinary was needed we'd just shrug, resigned to the fact we'd have to do it, roll the eyes and say "Clause 10". It certainly sorts out the jobsworths.

    The current job has a similar catch-all and I would expect it in any properly written job description.

    NO!!!!!. Any properly written job description should read "Any other duties as Agreed"

  • TravisDBA (1/28/2011)


    I think saying to your boss "we can source and fit some more memory for £50, which MIGHT resolve the issue, might not help at all but certainly can't do any harm, or I can spend a day testing and researching the issue to find a definitive solution, while not getting x, y and z jobs progressed".

    I have worked for many people in the past that would definitely consider that to be a wishy-washy answer. 😀

    And how quickly does the word "might" get forgotten about in the subsequent discussions??

  • Company X has offered me $yyyyy. Will you match it?

    ... "No one wants to be put in a corner, and I would be likely to let you move on if you came to me, unless I felt you deserved it. Even then, the second time you ask, I'm showing you the door."

    I used to use this one. Sometimes I'd end up leaving and be better off and sometimes I'd stay only to take a better offer later anyway. I don't use this one anymore. If I get a better offer, I take it. Of course, there are many more factors to consider than $yyyyy to determine if it's truly a better offer.

    Enjoy!

  • Dave62 (6/3/2015)


    Company X has offered me $yyyyy. Will you match it?

    ... "No one wants to be put in a corner, and I would be likely to let you move on if you came to me, unless I felt you deserved it. Even then, the second time you ask, I'm showing you the door."

    I used to use this one. Sometimes I'd end up leaving and be better off and sometimes I'd stay only to take a better offer later anyway. I don't use this one anymore. If I get a better offer, I take it. Of course, there are many more factors to consider than $yyyyy to determine if it's truly a better offer.

    Enjoy!

    This reminds me of an article I read the other day. The story is fiction, but it's funny because it's essentially true.

    Local software engineer Rob Lofland reportedly celebrated a raise Thursday ...

    http://www.theonion.com/article/man-celebrates-raise-company-will-eventually-use-j-50485

    "Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Instead, seek what they sought." - Matsuo Basho

  • I downloaded this software off the Internet and it crashed the server: You can't trust stuff you download, no matter what the Open Source crowd says ...

    Oh, absolutely. It's so much better to trust Microsoft. 😉

    My advice: 'trust but verify', no matter what the provenance of the software. Test, test, test, and that includes Microsoft's software.

  • Company X has offered me $yyyyy. Will you match it?

    Annoyingly my mate has used this successfully TWICE! But there were very long intervals between each time!

  • Our famous phrase is: It works for me.

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