So... You want a SQL bailout?
In order to qualify for a SQL bailout there are definitive steps you must follow...
1. Lie to your clients. For example, when a client asks if his SQL Database can handle a Gazillion records, you need to reply "Why yes, and it gets even faster the more records you add!!!"
2. Provide lavish bonuses for failure. When that wanna-be DBA crashes all servers, corrupts every backup, and writes a 'test' stored procedure that deletes every database, you MUST reward them with at least a million dollar bonus, an all expense paid trip to Antigua, and a company car - preferably a gas guzzler.
3. Always explain yourself in muddy terms. When asked why you screwed up, be creative and make statements like; "Well sir, we perambulated the data stores so that our vapid backend would suffer no vacuous, let alone propinquitous evedentals..." (When they ask what that means, look at them like THEY are simple minded).
4. When you go to Washington DC to get your money, be sure to travel in the most uneconomical manner. Find yourself a used Concorde and drive (not fly) to Washington.
5. Show great sympathy for the disaster you have caused. When you get peppered with questions about how you messed things up, show sympathy with statements like; "...well, yes, I know I put thousands out of work, but I also had to sell all my Microsoft mousepads!!!"
Yes, follow these steps and not only will you get your bailout, you will also be asked to fix the very thing that you messed up, while you enjoy your 9 figure income.
There's no such thing as dumb questions, only poorly thought-out answers...