The SQL Bailout

  • Steve Jones - SSC Editor

    SSC Guru

    Points: 719936

    Comments posted to this topic are about the item The SQL Bailout

  • Helen Trim-836693

    Old Hand

    Points: 396

    Don't worry about not knowing who our leaders are. Most people here in the UK would be pushed to recognise them.

    I think people here were interested in the inauguration because Barack Obama is such a charismatic character. I watched it, and I have never bothered before.

    I like your point about imaking processes better. There is so much IT can do to improve information flow, but often people want the IT solution to mirror their current paper process.

    "We have to do it this way."

    "Why?"

    "That's the way we've always done it."

    Does this sound familiar?

  • bob.willsie

    Right there with Babe

    Points: 791

    Buy a $150K+ motor home to house your servers. (Adds a whole new meaning to mobile computing!)

    You'll get as much as a 50% rebate on the sales tax. That maxes out at about $4,500 here in Louisiana.

    Plus, look what it does for "Homeland Security". Those pesky bad guys can't knock out your servers if you relocate them every night.

    And, with it's own built in generator, your RV is safe from any attacks on the power grid.

    Now that's a stimulas package any "Blue Blooded" American DBA can appreciate!

    Sorry, everytime someone mentions "stimulas" my sarcasm circuit overloads...

  • blandry

    SSCarpal Tunnel

    Points: 4821

    So... You want a SQL bailout?

    In order to qualify for a SQL bailout there are definitive steps you must follow...

    1. Lie to your clients. For example, when a client asks if his SQL Database can handle a Gazillion records, you need to reply "Why yes, and it gets even faster the more records you add!!!"

    2. Provide lavish bonuses for failure. When that wanna-be DBA crashes all servers, corrupts every backup, and writes a 'test' stored procedure that deletes every database, you MUST reward them with at least a million dollar bonus, an all expense paid trip to Antigua, and a company car - preferably a gas guzzler.

    3. Always explain yourself in muddy terms. When asked why you screwed up, be creative and make statements like; "Well sir, we perambulated the data stores so that our vapid backend would suffer no vacuous, let alone propinquitous evedentals..." (When they ask what that means, look at them like THEY are simple minded).

    4. When you go to Washington DC to get your money, be sure to travel in the most uneconomical manner. Find yourself a used Concorde and drive (not fly) to Washington.

    5. Show great sympathy for the disaster you have caused. When you get peppered with questions about how you messed things up, show sympathy with statements like; "...well, yes, I know I put thousands out of work, but I also had to sell all my Microsoft mousepads!!!"

    Yes, follow these steps and not only will you get your bailout, you will also be asked to fix the very thing that you messed up, while you enjoy your 9 figure income.

    Happy Bailout!!!

    There's no such thing as dumb questions, only poorly thought-out answers...
  • mhaskins

    Ten Centuries

    Points: 1145

    Maybe IT can get its bailout after the porn industry does: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/07/porn-bailout-larry-flynt_n_155878.html

    I enjoyed blandry's response 😀 and I completely agree. Why should a corporation with excessive or short-sighted business practice get help from the government? The automotive sector is an obvious one.

    So Steve, how can we program smarter? Most of the requests I get are due yesterday and I will never be allowed the time to recreate something that is already "working". This issue is beyond our control. We need management to step up and open their wallets for maintenance and updates (nevermind training). Which then brings the discussion to the start of the circle - the economical downturn and tightening of those wallets.

    Mia

    I have come to the conclusion that the top man has one principle responsibility: to provide an atmosphere in which creative mavericks can do useful work.
    -- David M. Ogilvy

  • jjarupan

    Ten Centuries

    Points: 1167

    Is IT in company is in Line? or In Support group?

    IMHO; IT is in support group, business does not care so much in IT (except company in IT that sales service or product).

    I like idea about SQL Bailout but normal practice is to fire IT personal if they think he/she is dispensable.

    Some evidence is SQL server 2000 still being use may be more than 50 % of SQL server version that use in business (no evidence support just look at my current company with more than 300 database servers (retail), 90% still in SQL server 2000, I also join SQL user group in my area and they are all main in SQL server 2000).

    This is the first time I hear about SQLBailout, good word.

  • Alvin Ramard

    SSC-Forever

    Points: 41190

    I think that if there was a SQL bailout, the first allotment of money should go towards educating management so that they realize that SQL Server does require real DBAs.



    Alvin Ramard
    Memphis PASS Chapter[/url]

    All my SSC forum answers come with a money back guarantee. If you didn't like the answer then I'll gladly refund what you paid for it.

    For best practices on asking questions, please read the following article: Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help[/url]

  • divison

    SSC Veteran

    Points: 277

    I agree -- re-working the system would be much more beneficial than trying to prop it up.

    But re-working the system will take time... and creating jobs in new industries, like green industries, can be done now... and it won't really interfere with re-working the system.

    So, I think the money spent on the "green industry" is a good idea.

    Believe it or not, I'm not as clear about the money given to banks, and the personal tax decreases. They may be worth doing, but I don't think they will necessarily "stimulate" the economy.

    Banks are undercapitalized right now, and to be good stewards, would be responsible keeping the bailout money to re-capitalize. And since the country's total housing/personal debt is currently EQUAL to the GDP (something that hasn't happened since 1929), people would be smart to pay down debt, rather than spend the tax savings. So... I doubt any of that money will be spent.

  • Rod at work

    SSC-Dedicated

    Points: 33376

    Steve, in your editorial today you said,

    I really don't want a bailout, and I would think that most people don't want one. They want to earn their money and achieve their success themselves, not because someone gave them money.

    Personally, I believe you are wrong. I have seen many people who want a bail out, who don't want to work for themselves and who just want money handed to them. I can't say if it is a majority of people who want money handed to them or not, but even if it isn't a majority, I am convinced it is a significantly large minority.

    Kindest Regards, Rod Connect with me on LinkedIn.

  • Chris-232075

    SSCrazy

    Points: 2130

    "...we shouldn't be looking to stimulate this economy because it's broken. Instead we should be spending money to transform the country and improve the way things work."

    These two objectives are not mutually exclusive.

    http://www.recovery.gov

  • iainthepitman

    SSCommitted

    Points: 1656

    by the way, the prime minister of the UK is gordon brown.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordon_Brown

    although the way he's carrying on it'll probably be someone else come june 2010.

  • bob.willsie

    Right there with Babe

    Points: 791

    I agree. I used to believe in "Maslov's Heirarchy" until I found out it was based on his studies of the top 1 or 2% of college students.

    Thats hardly a true statistical representation of the general populace.

    A lot of people want to sit on their butts in their own perceived "Garden of Eden" and let someone else feed and cloth them.

    Unfortunately their doing so creates huge numbers of bureaucratic and "service sector" jobs.

    If they have to work, then they want you to "just tell me which button to push."

    A horrible proof that Darwin is right; Natural Selection works, just in a horribly bad way...

  • DPhillips-731960

    Hall of Fame

    Points: 3904

    Still waiting for the punchline...

  • bob.willsie

    Right there with Babe

    Points: 791

    Sit for 15 minutes in any social workers office or 5 minutes in a Family Court waiting room and you'll see/hear enough punch lines to last a lifetime.

    "No, I don't want to press charges against her for shooting me three times. She was aiming at her sister..."

  • Gift Peddie

    SSC Guru

    Points: 73570

    I love it when the privileged says the marginalized and oppressed are just lazy looking for hand outs. So for the SQL bailout I want the contracts sold from the trunks of Rod Cunningham and other crooked government officials to say how many of your subcontractors are minorities because a lot of skilled minorities are being told to go away because an idiot none minority are holding the jobs. That is all existing and new government technology contracts to include a proportionate number of the very skilled but marginalized minorities.

    Honey we don’t hire women lawyers. The memoirs of Sandra Day O’Connor

    Kind regards,
    Gift Peddie

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