Exit Lines

  • Comments posted to this topic are about the item Exit Lines

  • Bridge burning:

    Your self-proclaimed "Senior Systems Analyst / DBA", a previously self-proclaimed "Senior System Ananlyst" in his email signature to everyone in the company, who continually demonstrates intellectual laziness, who has dropped enough hints through varying email signature tag lines suggesting favor for "team" vs. individual capability, who makes alterations to my shit in production without going through the change-review motion, fucks it up, assigns the corrective action tickets back to me after I have provided the correction directly to him for his mistake, is now my boss?

    Goodbye. Good luck.

  • This worked with an ex-GF and a boss who lost *over* 200%(!!!) of his team in less than two years. A big tip of the hat to Dan Jenkins, a great writer.

    "What you can't f*ck up, you'll piss on."

    I was asked back a few times after he quit. I like to think of it as a "go to" line.

  • Labour law where I live mandates 30 day notice period for resignations, so it's more a case of notify management, find out whether they require you to work the notice period or not (they have to pay you for the 30 days regardless) and then plan the project/responsibilities handover to whoever's going to be picking up your workload.

    Gail Shaw
    Microsoft Certified Master: SQL Server, MVP, M.Sc (Comp Sci)
    SQL In The Wild: Discussions on DB performance with occasional diversions into recoverability

    We walk in the dark places no others will enter
    We stand on the bridge and no one may pass
  • I once worked at a company where I was held in pretty high regard. I knew it, and never tried to take advantage of it... except for the day I wrote what may be the best exit emails ever.

    On that day I wrote how it had been a pleasure to have worked with everyone on that day and past days. I mentioned names of a fair number of people in the organization with examples of the good times and successes. I thanked my managers present and past for their help in my career, and so on and so forth. It was a very long email, and everyone who read it had to scroll to get to the eventual end.

    At the end of the email I advised that as much as I had enjoyed working with everyone up to that point, I expected no less of a good experience when I came back to work the following Monday.

    The email was dated April 1. I don't remember the year but the date happened to be on a Friday. My manager told me when he started reading it he was about to go ballistic, "That SOB couldn't even tell me first he was leaving" and so forth. Various OMG type reactions from my coworkers.

    It was the best April Fool's joke I had ever played on anyone.

  • At one place that I worked at, "bye-bye emails" were somewhat a tradition.

    One person "wrote" a C++ program that thoroughly blasted the executive management.

    Another person created a crossword puzzle using her coworkers or traits. That was brilliant!

    I was know for having visited multiple Hooters Restaurants in multiple states. The Friday before my last week, two coworkers tell me of a rumor that Hooters is opening up in the space where numerous restaurants have been in the building where I work. After the conversation, I checked the date; April 1st happened on that weekend! I spent that weekend writing a press release based on the PR Newswire web template "making it happen". I included disclaimers, such as this contains "forward looking statements" and other phrases typically found in publically traded funds so as to not run foul of the US Securities Exchange Commission and printed out the press release and left it in the offices of those still left at the company and emailed it to the rest of my former coworkers.

  • In response to "Exit lines..." I once had a manager when I worked for a large logistics firm who said to me, whenever I wanted to do something a bit crazy, "Remember Karlton, you can do anything you like on your last day!"

  • Bob, kudos on that play. Nothing makes a manager go cold faster than knowing they have to go through the search and hire and train new person again. Plus, it reinforces your value to the company! Very nice.

  • Karlton, that made my day. Thanks for commenting!

  • So long, and thanks for all the fish.

    Beer's Law: Absolutum obsoletum
    "if it works it's out-of-date"

  • The best line I saw was my friend Lana who asked in her exit email if HR would finally let her know how she scored on her interview assessment tests as she was always curious.

  • Mine was fairly stock farewell email, but I closed with "So fill to me the parting glass. Good night and joy be to you all."

  • I was once a computer science instructor at a community college. The first 2 years there, I had an awesome boss but she was forced into early retirement. The bitch on wheels who replaced her was a terror and I decided early on that it was going to be my last year there. The fact that she threatened me with my job the first meeting I had with her didn't help matters any.

    So the spring semester, I was summoned into her office for a meeting and I had my letter of resignation ready to turn over to her, just in case the meeting went badly. Sure enough, she starts in on me about the classes I was teaching--making uninformed comments so I got her in face about how I was, in fact, teaching those subjects and that my students were giving a public presentation of their semester long project and that I expected her to be there. Took her by surprise. Then she started in on this new software that was being purchased for placing course materials online and that she expected me to use it or she'd find someone who would (this was in 2000). I responded by saying that I had been placing all of my course material online since I had started there with my school website and that perhaps she needed to check it out. I then said, "You know, we don't need to be doing this anymore. I'm done. I quit." and turned over my letter of resignation. The other lady in there who was witness, her chin hit the table and I got up and walked out. By the time I got back into my office, it had spread like wildfire that I was leaving and how it happened. Ironically, my former boss was the one who said that I went out in a blaze of glory. LOL:-)

    The bitch on wheels lasted less than 2 years after I left and it took many years after that to clean up the damage she left behind.

  • Delivering pithy parting words, other than the standard goodbye and contact info, in an email is a bad idea, even if you send it to a handful of trusted coworkers. It will get copied and forwarded around the broader office, and it won't reasonate with everyone. If you have something to say, like a disagreement with the direction of the organization or a personal conflict with someone in management, then it's best to meet with a small group at a bar or something after your last day on the job and say it face to face.

    "Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Instead, seek what they sought." - Matsuo Basho

  • Why do people insist on making any kind of an exit statement? If management is actually concerned, they'll let you know and ask to have a talk with you. HR may do an exit interview. If there are improvements you think could be made, then make some recommendations without venom.

    If you're leaving, just shut up and leave. Making some sort of exit statement whether the leave is due to something benign or not is never required and usually bad form. You certainly don't have to undermine the company by saying that you're leaving for greener pastures or more money. If you feel an absolutely overwhelming compulsion to send out the typical blanket email and there's any negativity in it, don't send it. If you're leaving under pleasant conditions (you enjoyed your job and the people you work with), then keep it simple, positive, and generic.

    For example, "As some of you may already know, I've accepted a position at a different company and today is my last day. I just wanted to say that it's been a real pleasure working for and with you good folks and that I've learned a whole lot during my service here. Thank all of you for your camaraderie and your friendship over the years. It's been a real pleasure."

    Like I said, if something like the above isn't how you actually feel, don't send an exit email. Just go. It's too late to teach pigs to fly.

    Shifting gears a bit, I've worked for a couple of companies that will give you a military escort off the premises about an hour after you let management know you are resigning because a lot of people "turn poison" right after that. First, expect that. Second, if the company does require you to continue working for 2 weeks or 4 weeks (like Gail suggested), don't "turn poison". Instead, concentrate on doing the best you can to 1) help the people you're leaving behind to fill the gap you're creating and 2) at least be proud of yourself that you still did the absolute best you could without setting anyone on fire and leave on the best terms possible even if you hate the company and or the people you've had to work with/for.

    Heh... in other words, be a professional about it all. 🙂

    --Jeff Moden

    RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
    First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
    ________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

    Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

    Helpful Links:
    How to post code problems
    How to Post Performance Problems
    Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

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