Auditor Rant

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Auditor Rant

David O

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Points: 3228
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March 24, 2014 at 2:12 pm

#291272

Does anyone else every have day's when they feel like there the audit team's secretary (I could you another word but it is a family show)?
Run this query for me?
What does this mean?
What that value for?
Can you format the results like this?
Can you explain that to me again for the 3,213 time?
Starbuck's is down the street, Venti vanilla, two shots with soy!
UGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
:w00t:

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Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1003861 More actions · Answer 1

David O (3/24/2014)
Does anyone else every have day's when they feel like there the audit team's secretary (I could you another word but it is a family show)?
Run this query for me?
What does this mean?
What that value for?
Can you format the results like this?
Can you explain that to me again for the 3,213 time?
Starbuck's is down the street, Venti vanilla, two shots with soy!
UGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
:w00t:

Sounds like a normal day of development and QA for most people. 🙂

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

Grant Fritchey SSC Guru Points: 398680 More actions · Answer 2

We're going to need you to come in this weekend to work on those TPS reports, mmmkay?

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood"
- Theodore Roosevelt

Author of:
SQL Server Execution Plans
SQL Server Query Performance Tuning

Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1003861 More actions · Answer 3

Grant Fritchey (3/24/2014)
We're going to need you to come in this weekend to work on those TPS reports, mmmkay?

So long as I can keep the red SwingLine stapler...

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

Stuart Davies SSCoach Points: 19505 More actions · Answer 4

Grant Fritchey (3/24/2014)
We're going to need you to come in this weekend to work on those TPS reports, mmmkay?

^ normally said at 3:30 Friday afternoon

-------------------------------Posting Data Etiquette - Jeff Moden [/url]Smart way to ask a question
There are naive questions, tedious questions, ill-phrased questions, questions put after inadequate self-criticism. But every question is a cry to understand (the world). There is no such thing as a dumb question. ― Carl Sagan
I would never join a club that would allow me as a member - Groucho Marx

Tee Time Hall of Fame Points: 3745 More actions · Answer 5

As long as I can listen to my radio at a reasonable volume. 😛

SQL is delicious SSC Eights! Points: 987 More actions · Answer 6

David O (3/24/2014)
Does anyone else every have day's when they feel like there the audit team's secretary (I could you another word but it is a family show)?
Run this query for me?
What does this mean?
What that value for?
Can you format the results like this?
Can you explain that to me again for the 3,213 time?
Starbuck's is down the street, Venti vanilla, two shots with soy!
UGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
:w00t:

All of that is pretty ordinary for me, except for a Starbucks run! I remember the CIO at a previous job leaned into my cube at 7:30 one morning and asked me if I wouldn't "be a dear" and make coffee and bring it, along with full coffee service, into the conference room where he was having a meeting.

I'm not a secretary and I don't even know where they keep that rolling cart and the pretty cups for a "full coffee service", so I shot an e-mail off to the CIO's admin asst and asked her to please fulfill that particular request.

I'm not "too good" to fetch the odd cup of coffee for someone, especially if I'm already getting one for myself...but...really?

:ermm:

Jeff Moden SSC Guru Points: 1003861 More actions · Answer 7

I'm going through a SOC 2 audit right now. My biggest problem is all of the repetative questions that they can't seem to correlate in the simple little minds. I haven't found any auditors that can seem to master that "little" problem nor have I found many that come close to auditor requirements expressed in AT101.5

--Jeff Moden

RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for Row-By-Agonizing-Row.
First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
________Stop thinking about what you want to do to a ROW... think, instead, of what you want to do to a COLUMN.

Change is inevitable... Change for the better is not.

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to Post Performance Problems
Create a Tally Function (fnTally)

David O Hall of Fame Points: 3228 More actions · Answer 8

My big concern is how much the Managing Partner will cry when he sees how much of his bonus goes to taxes. He is definitely making bonus this year.:-D

samalex SSCertifiable Points: 5428 More actions · Answer 9

David O (3/24/2014)
Does anyone else every have day's when they feel like there the audit team's secretary (I could you another word but it is a family show)?
Run this query for me?
What does this mean?
What that value for?
Can you format the results like this?
Can you explain that to me again for the 3,213 time?
Starbuck's is down the street, Venti vanilla, two shots with soy!
UGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
:w00t:

I had to go through SOX audits at my last job, and most of the time the auditors were 20-somethings right out of college with zero experience in database design or SQL. I'd often get code copied and pasted from the web with a request to 'run this and send me the output in Excel'. Often times the code was from SQL 2000 or a couple of times not even MS SQL. Then we'd get requests for screenshots because they never knew how to ask for what they needed. Screen shots don't easily show securities through roles and so forth, but hey whatever to make them happy at the end of the day I guess.