slipfast adj. longing to disappear completely; to melt into a crowd and become invisible, so you can take in the world without having to take part in it – free to wander through conversations without ever leaving footprints, free to dive deep into things without worrying about making a splash.
I used to be incredibly shy. When I first started going to conferences and events, I was like Tim. I didn’t want to participate. I wanted to listen, but if I were at the front of the room after a talk, I didn’t want to ask a question or be included. I wanted to be invisible and listen.
My life is different now, and I engage often with others. I enjoy seeing people and talking with them. I enjoy actively taking part in the world.
To a point.
There are times I want to feel slipfast, just being an observer of the world without participating.
From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows