mauerbauertraurigkeit – n. inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends whose company you generally enjoy, like a poker player who keeps folding a promising hand in order to avoid the pain of losing, or temp down the urge to go all-in.
This one is close to home. It’s especially easy to push away people away early in a relationship when you don’t trust that things will continue to grow and improve. It’s quite easy to get nervous and suspect that the person will hurt you in the future.
I’ve done this in both dating relationships and friendships, when I felt that I was spending too much time, investing too much, and not seeing that reciprocated. Who knows where things might have gone if I’d have been more mature and communicated openly rather than worrying.
I’ve seen this in jobs as well. I’ve left a few jobs, mostly because I didn’t trust others in charge, and was worried they might let me go. I’ve seen good employees do this in the past, sometimes justified, sometimes prematurely.
In any case, mauerbauertraurigkeit is something that I think is prevalent when there is a lack of trust and transparency between people.
From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows