immerensis – n. the maddening inability to understand the reasons why someone loves you – almost as if you’re selling them a used car that you know has a ton of problems and requires daily tinkering just to get it to run normally, but no matter how much you try to warn them, they seem all the more eager to hop behind the wheel and see where this puppy can go.
Most people likely go through this, unless they are very self-centered and narcissistic. Come to think of it, maybe “most” is the wrong description. I find too many people being self-centered already.
In any case, I think lots of us wonder why someone really loves us, especially early in our relationships. We have some self-doubt, we always want to make a great impression on our dates/partners, avoiding showing them the “crazy” inside of us. I know lots of woman who avoid being seen without makeup. I know men who want to be sure they are showered and clean, avoiding having a date see them at the gym.
I think it’s natural as you get closer to someone, as you let yourself be vulnerable to have some fear. Hopefully it’s not the maddening inability of immerensis, but just a manageable “I wonder if they’d like the whole me.”
You should let them in. If they don’t want all of you, they don’t deserve you.
From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows