Just know that this will most likely result in a table or clustered index scan.  Depending on the query and indexes you may get a non clustered index scan.

First, you should probably be working with your DBA to figure out what is going on.  Not much we can do over the internet since we don't have access to...

I wouldn't deny execute on that procedure, but then I make extensive use of it myself in both scripts and stored procedures.

Can't remember who mentioned the spam reporting tip (report the same thread 3 times), but it worked a charm last night.

I'm still a bit lost.  You provided the DDL for the table(s), consumable sample data, and even your expected results (apparently needing more explanation based on Jeff's questions), but you...

A DDL trigger that fires on CREATE TABLE would do this for you as well.  Take a look this as it may be simpler.

In...