Nothing to do with SQL but if you have an Android phone it looks as though Tasker can be made to play music:

https://android.stackexchange.com/questions/601/how-to-be-woken-up-when-receiving-a-text-message-with-an-android-phone

iOS probably has similar apps.

ps This forum is...

The OP needs to ask what restores they will need and under what circumstances. Backups can then be planned to align with the restore strategy. Then the restores need to...

Untested:

WITH Grps
AS
(
SELECT PID, Category, [status]
,MAX(IIF(Category <> 'greatherthan8', 1, 0)) OVER (PARTITION BY PID) AS LTExists
FROM #test
WHERE [status] = 'compliant'
)
UPDATE Grps
SET [status] = 'Missing'
WHERE Category = 'greatherthan8'
AND LTExists...

If you think other systems will ever need the data, you could also look at exporting the table to parquet format. Using Python is the normal way to do this....

Creating a date dimension or calendar table in SQL Server - MSSQLTips.com

The SQL Server extension in VS Code is not too bad for quick queries.

Not really. If most people are happy with the way a system is working...

Would upper management actually realize if you used .Net 8 instead of .Net 2? Would...

You could also look at asking your network team to create a load balancer and then use the load balancer in the connection strings.

Once all the connection strings are pointing...

"this is not enough of an annoyance for most people to seriously start looking at something like PostgreSQL"

Most? Probably still true. But they might want to re-evaluate their over-confidence...

Would upper management actually realize if you used .Net 8 instead of .Net 2? Would they realize...

An interesting article:

What the Decline of Sql Server Quality means for Developers and DBAs

I just want them to fix the serious performance problems that started in 2019 and they've done (apparently) nothing to fix even up 'til today for SQL Server 2022....

You are going to have to provide a lot more detail for anyone to give you a sensible answer but, from what you are saying, this sounds more like an...

Before you delete that data, as a minimum I would BCP it out and save it securely somewhere. Long term you might want to look at partitioning the table so...