etherness – n. the wistful feeling of looking around a gathering of loved ones, all too aware that even though the room is filled with warmth and laughter now, it won’t always be this way – that the coming years will steadily break people away into their own families, or see them pass away one by one, until there comes a time when you’ll look back and try to imagine what it felt like to have everyone together in the same place.
That’s a somewhat bleak look at reality. I think etherness is understandable and natural. Families grow and change, and even if there aren’t children, there is death.
My wife and already have experienced this, as our oldest has a partner and we have to “share” them for holidays. We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas already, and other family events are becoming more challenging, both because of other family commitments, but also career and life scheduling.
I don’t really dread things changing, and while there is a sadness, I accept it’s a part of life. Things change, and while it would be great if my family kept coming to my house (or me to theirs), I also know the other side of families for children and relatives feels the same way. We can’t all get what we want.
We certainly can’t always get what we want.
Instead I cherish and appreciate what I do have, and the moments I get to spend with family and friends.
From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows