Gail addressed the performance aspect of it; fragmentation is very low on the "fix it" list as far as performance goes.

If you want to address the fragmentation, here's...

as far as tracking if it happens again, i''d create an extended event to capture database creation and deletion, and add login disabled, as well as anything else you think...

I think you need to use a recursive CTE in this case, so that all possible relations are created through joining to the data itself .
if you are not...

it sounds like they are allowed to query the data with their tools of choice, but often write bad queries; maybe you could use  the resource governor in that case;...

i believe  msdb.dbo.sysmail_allitems will only have a single row per mail_id, along with it's current status (sent/unsent/failed)

when a mail does fail, an entry is created in sysmail_event_log
[code...

i've used WinCD Emulator, which mounts an iso as if it were a drive, and also http://wincdemu.sysprogs.org/

and also
Virtual Clone Drive
https://www.elby.ch/en/products/vcd.html

I like...

there's no race condition that i see.

Luis's test tests that one  table or the other has rows; i thought it was very elegant.
IF EXISTS(SELECT * FROM #temp1)

whoops i was assuming Azure SQL, and not DW, my fault, thank you for the clarification Gail!
I read the request too quickly.

your code for the function [sys].[dm_db_index_physical_stats] is hardcoded to database_id = 5, is that right?
 i prefer to use the db_id and current database context.
object_id('') will resolve to null, just...

the structure of a database and dmv's are all exactly the same, whether Azure or SQL
any script that would generate scripts for indexes or users, or anything like that...

why not have a new DBA job that now  updates any jobs not owned by [sa] to be [sa], and any job steps that are of type SSIS to have...

seems like the right thing to do is simply replace dbo permissions with something that is almost, but not quite the same. that would address the issue, i would think.

awesome. that's the way to code defensively.

did you hard code it to a string 'EXECUTE AS', so 'EXECUTE{CrLf}
AS' would still be allowed?

nevermind...you explicitly said you toggled 32 bit mode....