So, I discovered what this was eventually, and thought I'd post it here. Like I said the procedure cache was < 1 MB and thus causing everything to compile...

Database can be on standard edition.  Just the RS instance needs to be enterprise

Is TCP disabled in Surface Area Config?

Be glad your name is not Ryan Moats...

Wow... a duplicate post.

http://www.sqlservercentral.com/forums/shwmessage.aspx?forumid=146&messageid=389804#bm389838

run this in SQL Server to fix your problem...

select

cast(0x536F72727920726573756C747320636F756C64206E6F742062652072657475726E65642C2062656361757365206170706172656E746C7920796F752064726F7070656420736F6D652073797374656D207461626C65732C20747279207265696E7374616C6C696E672053514C2053657276657220616E6420726573746F72696E6720796F7572207573657220646174616261736573 as varchar(1000

I am a douchebag... you ain't the first to tell me this.  Run the code below in your oh-so-important government database to find out which tables / indexes are using...

Ryan Moats = your tax $$ at work. 

LMAO!!! 

Stop dude... I am going to die from laughter.   I do believe you about working for the government though, probably the IRS (LMAO).  "Senior DBA" eh?  I would absolutely...

Keeping with the humorous nature of this thread... I couldn't stop laughing when I read this. Here's what you do....

1.  Post your resume on...

declare @var bit

exec @var = ISBUREAUOPEN

select @var

Maintenance tasks scheduled?  Index mainteannce?  Try running a trace during the time windows to determine what is causing the Tlog backups to grow.

Have you ran DBCC UpdateUsage  ?

I am with you Wayne.  It makes no sense to me either.  I've seen this in the past, and generally speaking it's what I like to refer to as a...

Sure... just populate the "sets" with whatever your particular search is for...example below is for searching for permissions granted to xp_cmdshell.  Make sure to leave the others as empty strings...

Unless you had a trace running, I think you are S.O.L, unless somebody fesses up to it.  In the future, don't give anyone access that will allow them to do this...