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April Bloopers


April Bloopers

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Steve Jones
Steve Jones
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Comments posted to this topic are about the item April Bloopers

Follow me on Twitter: @way0utwest
Forum Etiquette: How to post data/code on a forum to get the best help
My Blog: www.voiceofthedba.com
Stephanie J Brown
Stephanie J Brown
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Can I get a Time-Setback Device for last year? That's when I really need it! Tongue

Those had me howling out loud (and then I had to explain what a DBA is to the family...)


Here there be dragons...,

Steph Brown
Ralph Hightower
Ralph Hightower
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I walked into our team’s daily 9 AM meeting a few minutes late and apologized for being late, saying “I just off the phone with our help desk. My hard drive crashed.” One of the programmers on the team said “Oh my” (that was one of his favorite phrases), as the project manager put his head into his hands and started rocking side to side repeating “We’re sunk.”

My manager asked if the help desk gave any estimate of when our hardware vendor would be in to replace the drive. I said, “The help desk said it would be two to three weeks.”

My manager pulled his American Express card out of the wallet saying, “Forget the vendor! You’re going to one of the electronic big box stores to buy a hard drive and we’re going to put it in ourselves!” Actually, it wasn’t in those exact words because of a slightly profane word and mentioning a big box stores by brand name.

Shortly after that control was lost in the meeting and I shouted “Wait! Wait!” After the people settled down, I asked, “What day is today?”

My manager looked at his watch and said, “That’s a good one. You got us!”

I had confided to a coworker about my plan and he thought it would work. That coworker thought this was the real deal this time, not an April Fool’s joke. Another coworker had his hard drive fail and it took about three weeks for the vendor to come in and replace the drive.

Ralph Hightower
Ralph Hightower
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It was near the end of March 2000, when I announced my resignation to go work for another company. Friday, March 31, two coworkers told me that Hooters Restaurants was opening a restaurant on the ground floor of the building I worked in. Brief euphoria hit me, and then I realized that April Fool’s was this weekend!

Okay, it is time for payback! With my employer, “bye-bye” emails were common with my coworkers when they resigned; one developed a crossword puzzle featuring her coworkers or their hobbies as answers; another wrote a C++ program that basically blasted the company “manglement”, to which I responded by playing a C++ compiler and pointed out the compile errors.

My payback and my “bye-bye” email to the company was creating a press release confirming the rumor that Hooters was opening a new restaurant in the building.

My unusual hobby of visiting Hooters Restaurants began in Iowa, when I wanted some raw oysters in that land-locked state; my hobby includes getting photographs and autographed menus by the waitresses. Since then, I have visted 25 Hooters in 14 states.

The press release was done in the style of PR Newswire and had the legalese required for companies regulated by the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Hooters Announces New Restaurant Opening in Columbia, S.C.

CLEARWATER, Florida, April 1, 2000 /PRNewsparody/ -- Hooters Restaurants is pleased to announce the opening of a new Hooters Restaurant in downtown Columbia, South Carolina. Hooters Restaurants opened its first restaurant in Clearwater, Florida seventeen years ago. Hooters is famous for its chicken wings and of course, their Hooters Girls. The new restaurant is due to open on the first and second floors of The Affinity Building on the corner of Gervais Street and Assembly Street.
Hooters Restaurants is well known for turning around failed restaurant locations into successful ventures. L. D. Stewart, one of Hooters cofounders, said "There have been several failed restaurants in the Affinity Building. We are positive that our location in the former McGradys and Italia D’Ora will be a success. Plus we have one of Hooters biggest fans, Ralph Hightower, working in the downtown area."
When asked about the new Hooters location, Mr. Hightower, who has visited eighteen Hooters in twelve states, said "Cool! It’ll be just two blocks away from my new employer, HealthMagic. Ahh Right!"
As part of the Hooters Restaurant lease agreement, Hooters will collocate their famous Hooters logo on the north and south sides of the Affinity Building.
Unconfirmed rumors link Affinity Technology Group executive vice presidents, John Rogers and Terry Sabol, to the deal opening a new Hooters Restaurant in the Affinity Building as an incentive to convince Ralph Hightower to continue employment with Affinity Technology Group. Affinity Technology is reported in a joint venture with Hooters Restaurants and WebVan to deliver chicken wings and Hooters Girls over the Internet. It is unconfirmed that Terry Sabol and John Rogers wanted Ralph Hightower to lead the new internet project which will be called e-Hooters.

This press release contains forward-looking statements within the meaning of the “safe harbor” provisions of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act 1995. These forward-looking statements are subject to risks, uncertainties, and other factors, which may cause the Companies’ results to differ materially from expectations. These include risks relating to the ability of the Company to obtain regulatory approval, market acceptance of Hooters Chicken Wings, Hooters Girls, and eHooters and the Companies’ products, and other risks as detailed from time to time in the Companies’ SEC filings, including the Registration Statement filed in connection with the offering and the Companies’ most recent Annual Report. These forward-looking statements speak only as of the date hereof. Affinity Technology Group and Hooters Restaurants disclaims any intent of obligation to update these forward-looking statements.

SOURCE Hooters Restaurants, Inc.
Affinity Technology Group, Inc.

jay-h
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DBA sleep paid off already. I was able to appear to be keeping up with the latest technology.

...

-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers --
jay-h
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Don't forget to check the Google page.

The difference between a practical joke and simply a fib is that a good joke should, if the victim took 5 seconds to actually think it though, be obviously false.

...

-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers --
Wayne West
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Ralph Hightower (4/1/2008)
...
The press release was done in the style of PR Newswire and had the legalese required for companies regulated by the Securities and Exchange Commission.
...

Absolutely brilliant, Ralph! Did anyone not believe it?

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Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves or we know where we can find information upon it. --Samuel Johnson
Ralph Hightower
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Wayne West (4/1/2008)
Ralph Hightower (4/1/2008)
...
The press release was done in the style of PR Newswire and had the legalese required for companies regulated by the Securities and Exchange Commission.
...

Absolutely brilliant, Ralph! Did anyone not believe it?


Thank you. I had a blast writing it. I kept adding more and more to the release and finally added the financial disclaimers.

The two guys that pulled the first joke on me thought it was happening when I showed them the press release and thanked them for telling me about the opening.

My other former coworkers that it was great and funny.

Ralph
Bryant McClellan
Bryant McClellan
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SQLSkills.com has a great idea but they could have simply borrowed the Omega-13 device from Galaxy Quest. Granted, that was only good for rewinding 13 seconds of time, but if coupled with SQL Sleep everything should be taken care of for us before we ever know what happened.

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Buy the ticket, take the ride. -- Hunter S. Thompson
Ralph Hightower
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Google has GMail Custom Time which allows users to specify the time when they want mail sent, using an exclusive time-flux capacitor.

Handy for those that forgot to send an email out, they can specify 6 hours ago, an hour ago, even back to when Gmail was launched, April 1, 2004.

It is a slow April Fool's day for Slashdot. I expected more articles.
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