You seem to have listed the available tools, allowing that level of freedom will surly allow the queries from hell to hit your database so good luck.
I would have thought the office suite was the answer. Could be Performance Point Server will do the trick, but I've not installed this yet to know for sure.
[font="Comic Sans MS"]The GrumpyOldDBA[/font]
www.grumpyolddba.co.uk
http://sqlblogcasts.com/blogs/grumpyolddba/