Oh yes :-D. There's exactly 217 uses of NOLOCK in that query. I have no idea why. Well, maybe... Considering how long this thing ran, and how mangled it is, there was probably a desperate attempt at hitting the "go faster!" button. Many times. As many as humanly possible. Then a few dozen more. The agony!

EDIT: Oh, crud, I just realized this isn't the actual query! I counted 217 NOLOCKs in the version I pulled from sp_whoisactive, and I used some search-replace to chop up the query to make it slightly more readable (it was originally all one line), but checking it now returns 35. Not sure how I amputated some of the query in the process, but I could post the original one-liner if anyone's filled with macabre fascination 😛