i think either of these will do what you are asking:
SELECT *
FROM tbl_usermain FirstGuy
INNER JOIN tbl_user_friends FirstFriends
ON FirstGuy.user_id = FirstFriends.user_id
LEFT OUTER JOIN tbl_usermain SecondGuy
on FirstFriends.user_id = SecondGuy.user_id
INNER JOIN tbl_user_friends SecondFriends
on SecondGuy.user_id = SecondFriends.user_id
WHERE FirstFriends.user_id = SecondFriends.user_id
AND FirstGuy.user_id = 42 --Bob
AND SecondFriends..user_id = 38 --Jeff
SELECT *
FROM tbl_usermain FirstGuy
INNER JOIN tbl_user_friends FirstFriends
ON FirstGuy.user_id = FirstFriends.user_id
INNER JOIN tbl_user_friends SecondFriends
on FirstFriends.user_id = SecondFriends.user_id
WHERE FirstFriends.user_id = SecondFriends.user_id
AND FirstGuy.user_id = 42 --Bob
AND SecondFriends..user_id = 38 --Jeff
Lowell