Referrals have never been more important in the job market. They’re no longer nice to have; in many cases, they’re what gets your résumé through the door.
I’ve been fortunate to land jobs through referrals throughout my career, and I’ve referred many people to positions at organizations where I’ve worked. A recent experience with a friend made me think about some common misunderstandings around referrals—both giving them and receiving them.
A friend of mine, whom I’ll call J, had been out of work for several months. J and their partner were under considerable emotional stress and financial pressure. They had been through a few interviews with no follow ups or offers. One day I got a chat message. Our conversation went as below.
“You won’t believe who referred me for this job!”
“That’s great,” I said. “Do you have an interview?”
“Yes, in two days. I’m feeling really positive about it. I never thought this person would refer me—or that they thought so highly of me.”
“Did they write you a recommendation? Did you see what they said?”
“No. They just told me they referred me, and the interview call came soon after.”
I congratulated J but added one caution: “Go in with enthusiasm, but remember there may be other candidates too.”
J brushed it off. “Of course there are other candidates. But this person thought I was the best, so there you go!”
I left it at that and wished J luck.
Two days later, J called again. They hadn’t gotten the job.
“I think you were trying to warn me,” J said. “That person referred several people, and one of them got the job.”
I told J I was sorry, then explained what I had been trying to say: a referral doesn’t necessarily mean the referrer believes you are the best candidate. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it simply means, “I think this person is worth talking to.”
Then I asked: “Would you have done anything differently if you had known?”
J said yes.
“The person they hired is much more experienced than I am. I’ve seen their work, blogs, and presentations. They have more than a decade of experience on me. If I had known I was competing with people like that, I wouldn’t have gone. The interview was 100 miles away and had to be in person. I spent an entire day on it.”
J’s experience felt familiar because I’ve made similar assumptions myself.
Once, I assumed that someone referring me believed I was the strongest person for the job. Another time, I assumed the other candidates would have roughly the same level of experience and skills that I did. Both assumptions were wrong, and both led to unnecessary disappointment.
In any scenario, we rarely know who else is competing for a position. But a referral can create an additional expectation: ‘Someone put my name forward, so they must think I have an especially good chance’.
That isn’t always what a referral means.
Over time, I’ve developed a few personal guidelines to make referrals clearer and manage expectations on both sides.
When I refer someone
If I can, I refer only one person for a particular position. Usually, it’s someone I know well enough to genuinely vouch for. (A strong community contact, someone I worked with). I find this rule particularly important when the person I am referring is a minority (A woman, a person of color etc). I think this is valuable (to me) because minority folks are most commonly pitted against unfair competition.
That’s my personal approach, not a universal rule. Other people use referrals differently. Some see a referral as a strong endorsement. Others see it simply as a way to help a qualified person get their résumé in front of a hiring manager.
Neither approach is necessarily wrong. The important thing is understanding which kind of referral you’re receiving.
When someone refers me
I ask a couple of questions.
First, I ask whether they’ve referred other candidates for the same position.
Second, I ask what the referral means: ‘Are you specifically recommending me for this role, or are you helping me get an opportunity to interview?’
That distinction matters.
I also try to understand the likely competition. Who already works at the organization? What level of experience does the position appear to require? Is this the kind of opening that will attract a large and highly qualified pool?
None of this guarantees an outcome. But it helps me decide how much time, travel, preparation, and emotional energy I want to invest.
A referral is valuable. It can get you noticed in a crowded market and open a door that might otherwise remain closed.
But an open door is not a job offer.
Perhaps the healthiest way to think about a referral is this: ‘someone believes you deserve a chance to be considered’.
Sometimes it means more than that. But unless you know otherwise, it’s probably best not to assume it does.
How I used AI for this post:
For image generation. Grammarly for spell check. Voice is entirely mine.