SQL Clone
SQLServerCentral is supported by Redgate
Log in  ::  Register  ::  Not logged in

The DBA Game

By Steve Jones,

I was eating dinner with the family the other night and saw a poster on the wall talking about the "man game". It was something like this:

Ask for directions <============= ==============> Find a shortcut
   - 7 points                                        + 5 points

Shop for drapes    <============= ==============> Replace the cord in your drill
   - 12 points                                       + 14 points

Watch a soap opera <============= ==============> Go to a ballgame
  - 8 points                                         + 9 points
and a few more, but I think you get the idea.

It was pretty funny and got me thinking. Maybe we should have a DBA game? So I spent a few minutes working on one and came up with a few things that I hope you'll like.

The DBA Game

Score yourself and add up the results.

More than 5% of your tables  <===== =====>   Every table has at least two indexes
   are heaps, -5 points                         +6 points

1st normal form              <===== =====>  3rd normal form
   -8 points                                   +7 points

blank sa password            <===== =====>   Custom job to force password changes
    -10 points                                every 90 days, +14 points

Developers edit objects      <===== =====> Everything under source control
 in Enterprise Manager, -8 points              +7 points

Developers have sa rights on <===== =====> Windows admins have no sa rights
 development dbs, -12 points                     +11 points

Backup directly to tape      <===== =====> Keep at least one day's backups on disk
    -5 points                                    +6 points

Backup to the same file      <===== =====> Custom backup jobs naming backup files
  everyday, -6 points                         for the date/time, +5 points
                                          ( +2 for using third party compression to save space)

No operators setup for       <===== =====> Custom jobs sending emails on performance alerts
  alerts, -2 points                              +4 points
                                           ( -1 if using third party software for rich shops)

Boss has access to write his <===== =====> Boss is afraid to ask when the restore will be 
 own SQL queries, -4 points                 completed, +6 points

Rewrite stored procedure for <===== =====> Rewrite stored procedure for a developer
 a developer with no deadline              with a pressing deadline the same day, +6 points
 the same day, -9 points

Taking a call from a         <===== =====> Dropping your cell phone in a pitcher of beer 
 business analyst about his                when a business analyst calls, +16 points
 embedded query from Excel
    -7 points

Deferring to the opinion of  <===== =====> Properly chastising a developer for expressing a
 a developer on data modeling              divergent opinion from your own on a data model
      - 10 points                                 +8 points

Telling your boss you can    <===== =====> Attending the PASS Community Summit
learn fine from books for SQL                     +9 points
Server 2005 training, -7 points               ( +2 for speaking)

Praising Joe Celko           <===== =====> Getting Kevin Kline's or Kalen Delaney's autograph
 - 2 points                                    +1 point
                                              ( +10 if you have it on your office wall)

100 SQLServerCentral.com     <===== =====> Answering at least half as many questions as 
posts, all questions                       you ask on SQLServerCentral.com
  - 2 points                                  +4 points

Forgetting to always create  <===== =====> Keeping the index and permission scripts
indexes when you create                    with the table creation and under source
tables, -3 points                          control, +5 points

Getting coffee for your boss <===== =====> Having developers bring you coffee at your desk
    -3 points                                   +4 points

No scheduled jobs            <===== =====> Using SQLAgent to schedule maintenance, notify you of
  - 3 points                               alerts, and use the on call schedule for operators, +6

Can't setup SQL Mail in      <===== =====> Figuring out how to send HTML formatted mail through
30 minutes, -4 points                      SQL Server 2000 mail, +7 points.

Build a package on your      <===== =====> Implement looping in SQL Server 2000 DTS
workstation the doesn't run                   +8 points
when scheduled on the production
server, -5 points

I don't have any great range titles yet, but feel free to suggest a few. All I know is if you end up with less than 0, perhaps you should consider another line of work. Like a manager.

And throw your own suggestions in here for points and topics. I'll compile a new game for the next major holiday!

Total article views: 9775 | Views in the last 30 days: 0
Related Articles

scheduled backup strategies

scheduled backup strategies


Production Server DB backup Restored on Development Server Backup

Production Server DB backup Restored on Development Server Backup


Schedule the SQL Server Database Backup

How can we schedule the SQL Server 2005 Backup Plan.


Backup Schedules & Sizes Report

Backup Schedules & Sizes Report


Scheduled Backup and Restore to a different server

Scheduled Backup and Restore to a different server

the lighter side