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You might be a DBA if

I’d been trying to think of a fun post to write and an homage to Jeff Foxworth’s You might be a redneck series seemed like a good idea. To that end, I create a hashtag #YouMightBeADBA and wrote my post on twitter :). Of course, it turns out that the hashtag has been around for years, but either way, here are my contributions.

  • If everything you said in the last meeting boiled down to no or it depends #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have more authority than you are really comfortable with #YouMightBeADBA
  • If your co-workers see nothing wrong with asking you to do a 10 pm install and a 4 am install on the same day #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you dream in 8k pages #YouMightBeADBA
  • If someone says TEMPDB and you immediately think of a port-a-potty #YouMightBeADBA (or Brent Ozar (b/t))
  • If someone says sysadmin and your head immediately starts spinning around and you start spitting pea soup #YouMightBeADBA
  • If your favorite joke involves a bar, 2 tables and the word join #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have your coffee on an IV drip #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you look on your children as incremental backups of yourself and your spouse #YouMightBeADBA
  • If jokes that have the acronym DBCC in them are almost always funny #YouMightBeADBA
  • Heck, If you have ever heard a joke with the acronym DBCC in it #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you’ve spent more than hour discussing (arguing really) the pros, cons and definition of NULL #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have 2 of everything (computer, cables etc) just in case something breaks #YouMightBeADBA (and probably a presenter)
  • If it’s YOUR data #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you consider a day of training a social event #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you know why the term Always On bothers Allan Hirt (b/t) #YouMightBeADBA
  • If one of your goals is to automate yourself out of a job #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you consider a well-written report a thing of beauty #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you’ve ever taken a picture of your “office” and it’s the beach, and you are actually working #YouMightBeADBA
  • If tuning a query, writing a report, or configuring an instance is the fun part of your day #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have more than 4 books on Powershell, Query Tuning, SQL Server Internals, etc #YouMightBeADBA
  • If someone says they have a heap of books on the table and you wonder why there isn’t a clustered index on the table #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have an opinion on which direction you should read an execution plan (right to left or left to right) #YouMightBeADBA
  • If every time Microsoft releases a new version of SQL Server you are at once excited and feeling even more overwhelmed #YouMightBeADBA
  • If you have a hard time putting a space between the words back and up #YouMightBeADBA

Filed under: DBA Humor, SQLServerPedia Syndication Tagged: Humor


My name is Kenneth Fisher and I am Senior DBA for a large (multi-national) insurance company. I have been working with databases for over 20 years starting with Clarion and Foxpro. I’ve been working with SQL Server for 12 years but have only really started “studying” the subject for the last 3. I don’t have any real "specialities" but I enjoy trouble shooting and teaching. Thus far I’ve earned by MCITP Database Administrator 2008, MCTS Database Administrator 2005, and MCTS Database Developer 2008. I’m currently studying for my MCITP Database Developer 2008 and should start in on the 2012 exams next year. My blog is at www.sqlstudies.com.


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