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SQLStudies

My name is Kenneth Fisher and I am Senior DBA for a large (multi-national) insurance company. I have been working with databases for over 20 years starting with Clarion and Foxpro. I’ve been working with SQL Server for 12 years but have only really started “studying” the subject for the last 3. I don’t have any real "specialities" but I enjoy trouble shooting and teaching. Thus far I’ve earned by MCITP Database Administrator 2008, MCTS Database Administrator 2005, and MCTS Database Developer 2008. I’m currently studying for my MCITP Database Developer 2008 and should start in on the 2012 exams next year. My blog is at www.sqlstudies.com.

The 12 days after release

On the first day after release my developer gave to me

  • a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the second day after release my developer gave to me

  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the third day after release my developer gave to me

  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the fourth day after release my developer gave to me

  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the fifth day after release my developer gave to me

  • 5 missed permissions
  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the sixth day after release my developer gave to me

  • 6 indexed views
  • 5 missed permissions
  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the seventh day after release my developer gave to me

  • 7 schema changes
  • 6 indexed views
  • 5 missed permissions
  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the eighth day after release my developer gave to me

  • 8 gigs of ram
  • 7 schema changes
  • 6 indexed views
  • 5 missed permissions
  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the ninth day after release my developer gave to me

  • 9 stored procedures
  • 8 gigs of ram
  • 7 schema changes
  • 6 indexed views
  • 5 missed permissions
  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the tenth day after release my developer gave to me

  • 10 sparse columns
  • 9 stored procedures
  • 8 gigs of ram
  • 7 schema changes
  • 6 indexed views
  • 5 missed permissions
  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the eleventh day after release my developer gave to me

  • 11 urgent pages
  • 10 sparse columns
  • 9 stored procedures
  • 8 gigs of ram
  • 7 schema changes
  • 6 indexed views
  • 5 missed permissions
  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem on a crucial query

 

On the twelfth day after release my developer gave to me

  • 12 CPUs
  • 11 urgent pages
  • 10 sparse columns
  • 9 stored procedures
  • 8 gigs of ram
  • 7 schema changes
  • 6 indexed views
  • 5 missed permissions
  • 4 secondary replicas
  • 3 failed backups
  • 2 deadlocked queries
  • and a performance problem

    that we finally solved!

 


Filed under: DBA Humor, SQLServerPedia Syndication Tagged: Humor

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