On the first day after release my developer gave to me

• a performance problem on a crucial query

On the second day after release my developer gave to me

• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the third day after release my developer gave to me

• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the fourth day after release my developer gave to me

• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the fifth day after release my developer gave to me

• 5 missed permissions
• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the sixth day after release my developer gave to me

• 6 indexed views
• 5 missed permissions
• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the seventh day after release my developer gave to me

• 7 schema changes
• 6 indexed views
• 5 missed permissions
• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the eighth day after release my developer gave to me

• 8 gigs of ram
• 7 schema changes
• 6 indexed views
• 5 missed permissions
• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the ninth day after release my developer gave to me

• 9 stored procedures
• 8 gigs of ram
• 7 schema changes
• 6 indexed views
• 5 missed permissions
• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the tenth day after release my developer gave to me

• 10 sparse columns
• 9 stored procedures
• 8 gigs of ram
• 7 schema changes
• 6 indexed views
• 5 missed permissions
• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the eleventh day after release my developer gave to me

• 11 urgent pages
• 10 sparse columns
• 9 stored procedures
• 8 gigs of ram
• 7 schema changes
• 6 indexed views
• 5 missed permissions
• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem on a crucial query

On the twelfth day after release my developer gave to me

• 12 CPUs
• 11 urgent pages
• 10 sparse columns
• 9 stored procedures
• 8 gigs of ram
• 7 schema changes
• 6 indexed views
• 5 missed permissions
• 4 secondary replicas
• 3 failed backups
• 2 deadlocked queries
• and a performance problem
  

  that we finally solved!

Filed under: DBA Humor, SQLServerPedia Syndication Tagged: Humor