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The Night Before Upgrade


I originally wrote this in December 2011. It’s been one of my most popular posts, so reposting it has become a Christmas tradition. Enjoy!

‘Twas the night before upgrade of the serving device
Not an admin was sleeping, the men nor their mice
The cables were strung to the appropriate racks
While arrays of drives hummed, seeking their tracks

The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
Blind to the pressure on the poor admins’ heads
A rep from the vendor, dressed to impress
In case of a problem, he’d ease the distress

From the server room there arose such a clatter,
We all sprang from our chairs to see what was the matter
First one to the door, was there in a flash
I swiped my key card, expecting a crash

Lights, rows and rows, continued to blink
Assuring me that we a good link
Proceeding, across the room I ran
The sound it seemed was an exploding fan

Without a good fan the temperature would rise
Repair would be needed, and to my surprise
The rep was in action
Calling for help his immediate reaction

More rapid than eagles his supporters they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Sheldon! now, Leonard! now, Howard and Raj!
Hurry, bring in those parts from the garage!

To the back of the rack, over there by the wall
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
True experts they were, their hands they did fly
Removing the cover on the very first try

In a matter of seconds, the fan was all new
The techs were so proud, and the rep was too
And then, in a twinkling, I heard a low beep
A text from my boss, asking “How deep?”

I quickly responded “Don’t worry, we’re good”
As the rep proclaimed from where he stood
“It’s time, we should get started”
As his helpers departed

A flurry of buttons he proceeded to click
An obvious pro, this guy was quick
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the goatee on his chin was as white as the snow;
A dribble of Red Bull ran down his chin,
I had no doubt this guy liked to win

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A squint of his eyes and a twist of his head,
Gave reason to think there was something to dread;
He spoke not a word, but continued to work,
Then suddenly logged off and turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, from the chair he rose;
Grabbing his jacket, he cried “That’s it, we’re done!
I love doing upgrades, they’re so much fun!”

Then I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“I’ll send you a bill, but not tonight!”


RealSQLGuy - Helping You To Become A SQL Hero

My real name is Tracy McKibben. I’ve been working with database products for over 20 years, starting with FoxBase running on Xenix. Over the years, I’ve worked with all flavors of FoxPro, some Clipper and dBase, and starting somewhere around 1995, SQL Server. I’ve even dabbled with Oracle, though I’ve tried to block out all memories of that experience. At present, I’m the Senior SQL Server DBA and the DBA Team Supervisor for Pearson VUE. All opinions expressed on this site are my own and do not reflect the opinions of Pearson VUE.


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