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The Job Posting - Do I really have to be the SQL God? Expand / Collapse
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Posted Friday, May 24, 2013 1:01 PM
Grasshopper

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hi Craig, nice posting. From my experience, all job description are for ideal candidates which
never exist in reality. If the job descriptions fits 60% of what I am doing now, I will shoot.
Often times, the employer themselves don't expect you to fit every single line of the job description,
they probably copied somewhere via google.

My 2 cents, don't be panic, just keep trying...
Post #1456658
Posted Friday, May 24, 2013 2:59 PM
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I need help in writing a job description for a senior administrative DBA. Can someone suggest an appropriate forum on SSC.com where I can do this?
Post #1456692
Posted Friday, May 24, 2013 3:22 PM
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Chrissy321 (5/24/2013)
I need help in writing a job description for a senior administrative DBA. Can someone suggest an appropriate forum on SSC.com where I can do this?

How about something like this?


T-SQL Developer

We are looking for a T-SQL developer. We don't care what you know about Oracle, MySQL, Sybase, or DB2. That you know all six levels of the normal form or that you graduated from MIT won't impress us (well, maybe a little). What we want is someone who can look at a problem and develop a competent solution. That means that your code won't bring our production system to its knees a few years from now because you accidentally created a scalar function within a WHILE loop inside a trigger that only fires at midnight on February 29th.

Minimum competencies:

1 - You know the names Steve Jones, Brad McGehee and Jeff Moden--and why anyone would care.
2 - You know how to use Google, BOL, and MSDN--with extra credit if Pinal Dave ever helped get you out of a jam.
3 - You heard somewhere the term "Red Gate"...or was that a movie...hmmmm.
4 - You can split strings--or put them back together--using set-based logic only.
5 - You can describe and explain the purpose behind a "numbers" or "tally" table and how that relates to the term "RBAR".
6 - You know the difference between a table scan and an index seek (sorry if I start to get too technical here).
7 - You know the difference between an SVF, a multi-statement TVF, and an inline TVF.
8 - You know what "INFORMATION_SCHEMA" is and have actually made use of it.
9 - You know what a "heap" is and why anyone would care.
10 - You never, ever use the terms "field" and "record" unless you are doing an inventory of your livetock (and prepared for Joe Celko to set you straight).

At the conclusion of our interview you will be asked to generate some code examples. You will have no resources other than a standard SSMS installation with Red Gate's SQL Toolbelt pre-installed. (Ooops, just gave away the answer to #3). You will be allowed unlimited access to the web. And for Pete's sake you will surely have a thumbdrive in your pocket with your personal library of links, scripts, functions, and stored procedures. If you can't learn from experience then you are probably not a good candidate for this position.

Which reminds me of perhaps the most important qualification of all:

    UPDATE dbo.EmployeeSalaries
SET Salary = 0
WHERE LastUpdateDate <= GETDATE()

If you've never run a query like this and felt your heart fall to the floor with a big thud, then either you are way too inexperienced for us or you're a good liar. The ideal candidate for this position has made every mistake possible at some time or another. If you don't consider this truism to be valid, then you really have made your first mistake and just wasting our valuable time.




 
Post #1456698
Posted Friday, May 24, 2013 3:23 PM


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Hey Chrissy,

A number of folks (myself included) would be happy to help you nail down your requirements and the like and help with the presentation. The best forums for that would be (you've gotta scroll down aways in the list) under the Career header. Either "Employers and Employees" or "Job Postings" would be appropriate for it.



- Craig Farrell

Never stop learning, even if it hurts. Ego bruises are practically mandatory as you learn unless you've never risked enough to make a mistake.

For better assistance in answering your questions | Forum Netiquette
For index/tuning help, follow these directions. |Tally Tables

Twitter: @AnyWayDBA
Post #1456700
Posted Friday, May 24, 2013 3:25 PM


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ROFL Steven!

Where the hell did you find that?!



- Craig Farrell

Never stop learning, even if it hurts. Ego bruises are practically mandatory as you learn unless you've never risked enough to make a mistake.

For better assistance in answering your questions | Forum Netiquette
For index/tuning help, follow these directions. |Tally Tables

Twitter: @AnyWayDBA
Post #1456702
Posted Sunday, May 26, 2013 7:18 PM


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Steven Willis (5/24/2013)
Chrissy321 (5/24/2013)
I need help in writing a job description for a senior administrative DBA. Can someone suggest an appropriate forum on SSC.com where I can do this?

How about something like this?


T-SQL Developer

We are looking for a T-SQL developer. We don't care what you know about Oracle, MySQL, Sybase, or DB2. That you know all six levels of the normal form or that you graduated from MIT won't impress us (well, maybe a little). What we want is someone who can look at a problem and develop a competent solution. That means that your code won't bring our production system to its knees a few years from now because you accidentally created a scalar function within a WHILE loop inside a trigger that only fires at midnight on February 29th.

Minimum competencies:

1 - You know the names Steve Jones, Brad McGehee and Jeff Moden--and why anyone would care.
2 - You know how to use Google, BOL, and MSDN--with extra credit if Pinal Dave ever helped get you out of a jam.
3 - You heard somewhere the term "Red Gate"...or was that a movie...hmmmm.
4 - You can split strings--or put them back together--using set-based logic only.
5 - You can describe and explain the purpose behind a "numbers" or "tally" table and how that relates to the term "RBAR".
6 - You know the difference between a table scan and an index seek (sorry if I start to get too technical here).
7 - You know the difference between an SVF, a multi-statement TVF, and an inline TVF.
8 - You know what "INFORMATION_SCHEMA" is and have actually made use of it.
9 - You know what a "heap" is and why anyone would care.
10 - You never, ever use the terms "field" and "record" unless you are doing an inventory of your livetock (and prepared for Joe Celko to set you straight).

At the conclusion of our interview you will be asked to generate some code examples. You will have no resources other than a standard SSMS installation with Red Gate's SQL Toolbelt pre-installed. (Ooops, just gave away the answer to #3). You will be allowed unlimited access to the web. And for Pete's sake you will surely have a thumbdrive in your pocket with your personal library of links, scripts, functions, and stored procedures. If you can't learn from experience then you are probably not a good candidate for this position.

Which reminds me of perhaps the most important qualification of all:

    UPDATE dbo.EmployeeSalaries
SET Salary = 0
WHERE LastUpdateDate <= GETDATE()

If you've never run a query like this and felt your heart fall to the floor with a big thud, then either you are way too inexperienced for us or you're a good liar. The ideal candidate for this position has made every mistake possible at some time or another. If you don't consider this truism to be valid, then you really have made your first mistake and just wasting our valuable time.




 


Can I borrow that for future job postings?




Jason AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
I have given a name to my pain...
MCM SQL Server, MVP


SQL RNNR

Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw
Post #1456935
Posted Sunday, May 26, 2013 7:20 PM


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Evil Kraig F (5/24/2013)
Hey Chrissy,

A number of folks (myself included) would be happy to help you nail down your requirements and the like and help with the presentation. The best forums for that would be (you've gotta scroll down aways in the list) under the Career header. Either "Employers and Employees" or "Job Postings" would be appropriate for it.


+1
Craig is spot on there. Many here would help get your job reqs nailed down.




Jason AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
I have given a name to my pain...
MCM SQL Server, MVP


SQL RNNR

Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw
Post #1456936
Posted Sunday, May 26, 2013 7:29 PM


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Evil Kraig F (5/24/2013)
Hey Chrissy,

A number of folks (myself included) would be happy to help you nail down your requirements and the like and help with the presentation. The best forums for that would be (you've gotta scroll down aways in the list) under the Career header. Either "Employers and Employees" or "Job Postings" would be appropriate for it.


+1
Craig is spot on there. Many here would help get your job reqs nailed down.




Jason AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
I have given a name to my pain...
MCM SQL Server, MVP


SQL RNNR

Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw
Post #1456938
Posted Monday, May 27, 2013 6:22 PM


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Steven Willis (5/24/2013)
Chrissy321 (5/24/2013)
I need help in writing a job description for a senior administrative DBA. Can someone suggest an appropriate forum on SSC.com where I can do this?

How about something like this?


T-SQL Developer

We are looking for a T-SQL developer. We don't care what you know about Oracle, MySQL, Sybase, or DB2. That you know all six levels of the normal form or that you graduated from MIT won't impress us (well, maybe a little). What we want is someone who can look at a problem and develop a competent solution. That means that your code won't bring our production system to its knees a few years from now because you accidentally created a scalar function within a WHILE loop inside a trigger that only fires at midnight on February 29th.

Minimum competencies:

1 - You know the names Steve Jones, Brad McGehee and Jeff Moden--and why anyone would care.
2 - You know how to use Google, BOL, and MSDN--with extra credit if Pinal Dave ever helped get you out of a jam.
3 - You heard somewhere the term "Red Gate"...or was that a movie...hmmmm.
4 - You can split strings--or put them back together--using set-based logic only.
5 - You can describe and explain the purpose behind a "numbers" or "tally" table and how that relates to the term "RBAR".
6 - You know the difference between a table scan and an index seek (sorry if I start to get too technical here).
7 - You know the difference between an SVF, a multi-statement TVF, and an inline TVF.
8 - You know what "INFORMATION_SCHEMA" is and have actually made use of it.
9 - You know what a "heap" is and why anyone would care.
10 - You never, ever use the terms "field" and "record" unless you are doing an inventory of your livetock (and prepared for Joe Celko to set you straight).

At the conclusion of our interview you will be asked to generate some code examples. You will have no resources other than a standard SSMS installation with Red Gate's SQL Toolbelt pre-installed. (Ooops, just gave away the answer to #3). You will be allowed unlimited access to the web. And for Pete's sake you will surely have a thumbdrive in your pocket with your personal library of links, scripts, functions, and stored procedures. If you can't learn from experience then you are probably not a good candidate for this position.

Which reminds me of perhaps the most important qualification of all:

    UPDATE dbo.EmployeeSalaries
SET Salary = 0
WHERE LastUpdateDate <= GETDATE()

If you've never run a query like this and felt your heart fall to the floor with a big thud, then either you are way too inexperienced for us or you're a good liar. The ideal candidate for this position has made every mistake possible at some time or another. If you don't consider this truism to be valid, then you really have made your first mistake and just wasting our valuable time.


 


BWAAA-HAAAA!!!! Absolutely freakin' a-w-e-s-o-m-e! That's not only the best and most refreshingly honest job description I've ever seen but it also contains the best interview challenge in the world! "Bring your guns (brains, Google-Fu, and thumbdrives) because there's gonna be some shootin'"!

On the serious side, allowing a candidate to bring his "guns" is a brilliant idea! The only thing that I might do is monitor how he used the internet... did he use Google-Fu or did he go to a forum and post an "urgent" request for help?


--Jeff Moden
"RBAR is pronounced "ree-bar" and is a "Modenism" for "Row-By-Agonizing-Row".

First step towards the paradigm shift of writing Set Based code:
Stop thinking about what you want to do to a row... think, instead, of what you want to do to a column."

(play on words) "Just because you CAN do something in T-SQL, doesn't mean you SHOULDN'T." --22 Aug 2013

Helpful Links:
How to post code problems
How to post performance problems
Post #1457162
Posted Friday, July 12, 2013 11:45 AM


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Great article, you should see some of the SQL DBA/Dev job descriptions in the UK, especially for contract roles, some of them even ask me "Do you pronounce it 'Squrl Server?'"

Then, as posters have previously pointed out, I see job roles are looking for the SQL God (does that even exist?) but we sure ain't gonna pay you for all that knowledge.

qh


SQL 2K acts like a spoilt child - you need to coax it round with lollipops.
Post #1473176
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