--===== Create a table with a real auto-incrementing column and
     -- a persisted formula to convert it to Base 26 automatically.
     -- The auto-incrementing column is "Zero Based" to keep things simple.
     -- Max value = 26^7-1 = 8,031,810,175 > Largest INT
 CREATE TABLE #MyHead
        (
         MyHeadID INT IDENTITY(0,1) NOT NULL,
         Base26ID AS CHAR(MyHeadID/308915776%26+65) --26^6
                   + CHAR(MyHeadID/11881376%26+65)  --26^5
                   + CHAR(MyHeadID/456976%26+65)    --26^4
                   + CHAR(MyHeadID/17576%26+65)     --26^3
                   + CHAR(MyHeadID/676%26+65)       --26^2
                   + CHAR(MyHeadID/26%26+65)        --26^1
                   + CHAR(MyHeadID%26+65)           --26^0
                     PERSISTED  NOT NULL,
         SomeString VARCHAR(36) NOT NULL
        )

--===== Add a million+1 rows of "something" to the table
     -- just to prove it works.
 INSERT INTO #MyHead
        (SomeString)
 SELECT TOP 1000001
        NEWID() AS SomeString
   FROM Master.sys.All_Columns ac1
  CROSS JOIN Master.sys.All_Columns ac2

--===== Show what's in the table
 SELECT *
   FROM #MyHead

SELECT * FROM #MyHead WHERE Base26ID LIKE '%CRAP%'

 CREATE FUNCTION dbo.Base21
--===== This function accepts an integer and returns mostly harmless
     -- "numbering" using letters with all vowels removed.
     -- Jeff Moden
        (@Integer INT)
RETURNS VARCHAR(8) AS
  BEGIN
DECLARE @Return VARCHAR(8)
;

WITH
cteAllowed AS
(
 SELECT 'BCDFGHJKLMNPQRSTVWXYZ' AS Letters
)
 SELECT @Return =
        SUBSTRING(Letters, @Integer/1801088541%21+1, 1) --21^7
      + SUBSTRING(Letters, @Integer/85766121%21+1, 1)   --21^6
      + SUBSTRING(Letters, @Integer/4084101%21+1, 1)    --21^5
      + SUBSTRING(Letters, @Integer/194481%21+1, 1)     --21^4
      + SUBSTRING(Letters, @Integer/9261%21+1, 1)       --21^3
      + SUBSTRING(Letters, @Integer/441%21+1, 1)        --21^2
      + SUBSTRING(Letters, @Integer/21%21+1, 1)         --21^1
      + SUBSTRING(Letters, @Integer%21+1, 1)            --21^0
   FROM cteAllowed
;
 RETURN @Return
    END
GO

--===== Create a table with a real auto-incrementing column and
     -- a persisted formula to convert it to Base 21 (no vowels) automatically.
     -- The auto-incrementing column is "Zero Based" to keep things simple.
 CREATE TABLE #MyHead
        (
         MyHeadID INT IDENTITY(0,1) NOT NULL,
         Base21ID AS dbo.Base21(MyHeadID)
                       ,
         SomeString VARCHAR(36) NOT NULL
        )

--===== Add a million+1 rows of "something" to the table
     -- just to prove it works.
 INSERT INTO #MyHead
        (SomeString)
 SELECT TOP 1000000
        NEWID() AS SomeString
   FROM Master.sys.All_Columns ac1
  CROSS JOIN Master.sys.All_Columns ac2

--===== Show what's in the table
 SELECT *
   FROM #MyHead