I'm sorry if I am taking the fun out of building a SQL only solution, but there are lots of basic samples of SQLCLR showing how to expose the Regex.Matches() method from .NET CLR.
A good evrsion is located here courtesy of Phil Factor:
https://www.simple-talk.com/sql/t-sql-programming/clr-assembly-regex-functions-for-sql-server-by-example/[/url]
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Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part...unless you're my manager...or a director and above...or a really loud-spoken end-user..All right - what was my emergency again?