I'm with Jack, I'd suggest getting in direct touch with Microsoft. A crash of the instance is not something simply changing a setting or tuning a query is going to address. Just because you ran out of memory, the server shouldn't go down.
"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood"
- Theodore Roosevelt
Author of:
SQL Server Execution Plans
SQL Server Query Performance Tuning