Just to muddy the waters, there is also ADO.NET Entity Data Modelling, which comes built into Visual Studio 2010. Its similar to LINQ - in that you select the tables up-front, and it creates object classes corresponding to your tables, but its easier to query than LINQ, more integrated, and less SQL like.
There is even an Entity Data Model Wizard, so you can be up there creating data linked websites without having to know anything about the database.
And by the way "Grasshopper", "SSCCertifiable", "Valued Member" etc are the status of the person, rather than their name - I'm not sure I agree with the choice of names for the statuses - but I suppose it more interesting than "Basic", "Standard", "Premium" or a star-system. (and I suspect SSCCertifiable alludes to psychiatric certifiable rather than being awarded a certificate)
If you get stuck - post your questions here.