I also don't have the time to plow through everything you've posted. That being said - if you're POSITIVE this is the very best way to do this, you may consider dynamically creating the stored procedure itself rather than just a dynamic insert. The code might actually turn out to be simpler to code that way.
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Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part...unless you're my manager...or a director and above...or a really loud-spoken end-user..All right - what was my emergency again?