I've been beating the heck out of this drum lately - but an actual regular expression will help you find all of the various issues you're looking at here.
If you're using 2000, someone has been kind enough to create REGEX support in XP's which can then be added to your server. If you're on 2005 - build a CLR function (I've posted 4 versions in the last 2-3 days), which will definitively pick up these various issues patterns you're looking for.
Check out the scripts in here:
http://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic419472-65-1.aspx
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Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part...unless you're my manager...or a director and above...or a really loud-spoken end-user..All right - what was my emergency again?