However on the other hand it sounds like you are saying that DBAs have a license to be complete arseholes and that "collaboration means licking their boots and putting them on a pedestal.
Respect and cooperation cuts both ways.
I am not sure that I agree that was being said. The security, availability and functionality of a companys mission-critical data assets lie in the hands of the DBA. There are too many developers out there that don't understand the architectural niceties of a RDBMS, only the code that can extract data. The DBA is there to protect that data. Would you call the guard that won't let you into a building because you are not authorised an (in your own words) arsehole. I think not and data protection should maintain the same philosophy.
There are DBAs out there that are truly difficult to work with. Same can be said for developers. Or storekeepers, bus drivers, road sweepers etc....
The point is simple: A mutual respect for the skills and requirements of each party in the argument is the only way a dispute can get resolved. If you start a discussion agressively, don't expect constructive results. Licking boots is not what is required, simply proof that your request is feasible, safe and in the companys best interests. If it isn't, it won't get implemented.