As has been said many times, 'Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

Not being born wise, I've hopefully learnt enough by experience to 'know the difference'.

Scenario A would likely require some research why the application is performing poorly on SQL Server, followed by a discussion with the vendor to review the research and consider possible remedies. At no time should the discussion take on an adversarial tone. The goal is to find mutually-acceptable solutions. Even if none is found, others will note the effort was made.

Scenario B seems all too common in this era of fiscal constraints. Each individual's personal circumstances are different, and the additional demands placed by an employer on one's time and energies may be acceptable to one person, but not to another.

My own philosophy is that an employer's demands must not cross certain 'red lines':

* They must not adversely affect my health, both physical and emotional.

* They must not adversely affect my ability to be an attentive, caring spouse and parent.

* They must not present a long-term impediment to my career growth and goals.

If any demands prove to cross these lines, it's time to find a new job. No-one should be asked to give of one's self to the point of surrender.