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T-SQL Tuesday #34 – Help! I Need Somebody


I couldn’t resist, so here goes….

Help, I need some data,
Help, not just any data,
Help, I was told you need a report, help.
When I was younger, so much smarter than today,
I never needed any query help in any way.
But now these reports are long, I’m not working late nights,
Now I find I’ve got to ask for help on window functions.
Help me if you can, I need a rank 
And I do appreciate the over clause.
Help me, get my report back to the client,
Won’t you please, please help me.
And now T-SQL has changed in oh so many ways,
the over clause just seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel I know row_number,
I know I need a lag or lead just not sure which to use.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling slow
And I do appreciate returning more rows.
Help me, get my query back to the client,
Won’t you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

The Rules

T-SQL Tuesday is a monthly blog party hosted by a different blogger every month. This month is hosted by Rob Volk with the theme of “Help, I Need Somebody”.

If you’re like to participate, just write a post, publish it on the appropriate day and link to the host’s post. If you want to host, contact the founder, Adam Machanic (b|t).

Filed under: Blog Tagged: Humor, syndicated, T-SQL Tuesday

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Steve Jones is the editor of SQLServerCentral.com and visits a wide variety of data related topics in his daily editorial. Steve has spent years working as a DBA and general purpose Windows administrator, primarily working with SQL Server since it was ported from Sybase in 1990. You can follow Steve on Twitter at twitter.com/way0utwest


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