Printed 2017/07/22 05:33AM

Teched Water Bottle

By Phil Factor, 2009/05/10

One of the charming people who helped me register at Teched told me where we, who had registered, could get a free Tee-shirt, Microsoft bag and a water-bottle. Phil K Dick introduced the term 'Kipple' for all such stuff, but sad old gits like me are suckers for it. I gleefully queued for my bag and water-bottle.

I've never kept water in a water bottle before. Flushed with excitement, I opened it up and tried to fill it from the nearby water-cooler. As I started to fill it, I noticed two bits of soggy  paper inside. Cursing, I rinsed out the water and retrieved them with difficulty, using my specs. On one was written....

'WARNING This product may contain chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer, birth defects or other reproductive harm.'

Well, if the poison bottle doesn't get you, then  the paper notice will. I wonder what is in the ink? The other piece of paper had instructions for washing out the water bottle with soap. Microsoft gives you some free soap too. This soap includes sodium laureth solphate, cocamidopropyl betaine cocamide MEA, coceth -7, salt, magnesium chloride, and preservative. With this lttle coctail of chemicals, I shall be preserved for all time like an egyptian mummy, though, judging by the dire warnings from the State of California's notice, future generations will puzzle over the dire state of my reproductive equipment should I be reckless enough to drink from the water-bottle. Maybe I'll stick to bottled beer.

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