My friend Grant Fritchey recently posted in response to a quiz and at the end of that mentioned that he'd be interested in hearing about my thoughts on the topic. It's an interesting topic, so I'll see what I can come up with. I'll start by saying that I definitely see a difference between leaders and managers. Definitely they share some skills, and many people are more one than the other, not often to find people who can do both really well.
I had to think on this some and ended up defining 'great' as those that had a large impact on me. The first was Jody Gresham, my second leader in the military and we almost started off on the wrong foot. I had been in long enough to get established and earn some trust, when I moved to work for him he would constantly check my work. Finally asked why, and his answer was that he was responsible for what I did, and I had to earn that trust with him, even though he was pretty comfortable with my skills. If you think about it, that's really a good answer! Maybe more so when you factor it was working with explosives, not waxing a car. As time progressed we did a lot of stuff that was beyond what I was used to doing with my first leader, and it didn't take long to see that doing that extra work made things easier down the road, but it also made us better at what we did than the rest, and because of that approach he had earned a lot of trust (and freedom). I was never lazy, but it was a great lesson to learn early in my career.
A few years later it was Bill Reid, a career military guy who was the seasoned version of Jody. Well rounded, calm, tons of experience, and the patience to mentor a young man that had a lot of ability but not always the experience to exercise patience. I can't say I mastered the lessons then (or now), but many years later I'm a lot closer than I was. He played by the rules, built relationships, and was just one hundred percent dependable, because in that line of work you don't make commitments you can't keep. Bill also brought me into training, taking me with him to teach at the NCO Academy, and somehow I'm doing that for a living today.
On the tech side my favorite leader has been Tina Rourk. Tina took the time to show me what the business needed beyond pure technology and later when I was on track to stay a more focused technologist/consultant, persuaded me to take a position as a manager and there's no doubt that step just five years ago changed and challenged me in ways that were probably overdue, and again, lead directly to where I am today. One of the great lessons I learned from her was that it's not always about blame; mistakes happen, just keep them from happening again.
Now that I've written this I'm not sure that great leaders is the right title, and mentor doesn't quite fit either. Role model perhaps? Guide? I've worked for a lot of different leaders, a few that were terrible, most were decent, and honestly very few that were just stellar. I do think that great leaders care about people, and they see past the obvious to find and grow people with potential. I also think that working for those kinds of people shows you what is possible, and that's something we need more of in our business (and others as well I imagine).
Finally, it reminds me why I'm driven to give back. It's part of who I am now, but it's definitely part of the deal that there's a debt to pay forward in return for the help you receive early in your career.
During a recent class I happened to mention something about grasshopper, and a student wasn't familiar with the reference to the old Kung Fu TV series. I found a portion of the quote on IMDB, as follows (Master PO is an old blind monk, Caine is the young student):
Master Po: [after easily defeating the boy in combat] Ha, ha, never assume because a man has no eyes he cannot see. Close your eyes. What do you hear? Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds. Master Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat? Young Caine: No. Master Po: Do you hear the grasshopper that is at your feet? Young Caine: [looking down and seeing the insect] Old man, how is it that you hear these things? Master Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?
I found a video clip of it on YouTube below, but couldn't easily find the other part, where he is told "when you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave".
[Sorry, Livewritter didn't post the code correctly, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCyJRXvPNRo]
I'm neither PO nor Caine (somewhere in between?), I just like the idea that there is a lot to be learned on the journey. For those who prefer more recent references the padawan learner in Star Wars is similar.
One of the things I'm not fond of is self-deprecation. Smacking yourself on the forehead when you screw up a demo is counter productive, as is calling yourself dumb compared to someone else in the same line of work. I believe that if you do enough of that it actually skews your own self image. We should recognize the areas where we're strong or weak, and when we fail to meet goals, but that's not the same as calling yourself dumb!
I've long understood that there are plenty of people in the world with more natural ability than I have, and that in turn I have more natural ability than many other people - in certain areas. Within SQL Server I'd like to think I'm competent or better, but I don't know anything about DB2 or Oracle, and not much about mountain climbing, flower arranging, and welding. I also know that my ability to accomplish things is generally limited by my willingness to work hard(er) and to do things that don't come naturally to me (marketing/PR) and to take time away from family.
There are a few 'A' list people in our business, those that by ability, hard work and a smidgen of luck have become well known. There is a much larger set of people on the 'B' list that are somewhat known, and then everyone else. There are a lot of people on the C list that could move up if they:
I suspect most could climb to the B list if they really tried, far fewer would make it to the A list due to the increasing demands. That doesn't make anyone on the B or C list dumb!
Grade yourself on accomplishing your goals, it's the only measurement that matters. If you want to be on the A list, set the goal and do it! If you find satisfaction in doing what you do now, that's fine too. But you're not dumb...and neither am I!
I ran across MentoringNet in a recent renewal flyer from ACM. I'm interesting in all things mentoring, so I went to look. It's interesting, a matching service for mentors and proteges, but unfortuneately focused on college students mainly. It's also email based (unless you happen to live in the same city I guess). Hard to tell how well it works in practice, but it's at least a start. I wish they'd so something in the hands on technical sector, the jobs we all have! For now I'm going to have to file it under projects I wish I had time to tackle. Posting it here in case anyone is in college or has a child in college, and because maybe it will spur someone to build something really interesting to serve the technical community.
Ran across this article about burnout and thought it worth posting. Burnout is not fun to experience and heading it off isn't always easy, especially for those of us in IT. At least take a second and read the symptoms, maybe even if you're fine you'll recognize that someone else in the office isn't. In my experience it's hard to help someone that's in burnout unless you happen to be their manager. As a manager you can do two things (positive things); put them on vacation for 2 weeks, or just move them to a different job/task soon. If possible, do both.
Our 3rd SQLSaturday went amazingly well due to the efforts of Brian Knight and his volunteers. Attendance for the day was a massive 275 people! The day started well with wait time for check in no more than 5 minutes and everyone was patient thanks to our "greeter" Scott. Having someone working the line and letting everyone know what is going on is a great way to start the day, shows that you care and provides a mean to notify attendees of last minute changes. It got a bit hectic between 8-9 am with everyone checking in, getting coffee and doughnuts, and then moving on to visit with the sponsors and start putting tickets into the raffle boxes. Shawn Weisfeld managed the coffee station, making something like 12 gallons of coffee throughout the day! Sessions started on time with no issues.
Lunch was from Jason's Deli and serving lunch went quickly, the only glitch was that we ran short of vegetarian meals. Because there was very little inside seating in the common area we had close to 200 people sitting under the trees picnic style enjoying the weather and a nice break. Through out the day speakers were giving away "book tickets" so that the winners could visit the prize desk and redeem it for the book of their choice. We had terrific support from Apress, Wrox, Microsoft Press. At the end of the day everyone gathered in the large auditorium for the "big" raffles from the sponsors, things like an Xbox from Red Gate, Bluetooth Car Speaker Phone from End to End Training (us!), some copies of Vista & Visual Studio from Microsoft, a Zune (and the sponsor escapes me), and a few more. Raffle went quickly and smoothly, and then we adjourned to 7 Bridges Grille for the after party - I'd guess 50-60 attended, more than normal but proportionably about what we usually expect - lots of people tired after a day of training and just want to go home!
Met a lot of new people this weekend and I'm sure I'll miss a few; Kent Waldrop, Jaime Campbell (talked to both of them about mentoring), Rodney Landrum (author of SQL 2005 Reporting Services from Apress), Brandie Tarvin (fellow author here on SSC), Plamen Ratchevm, Geoff Hiten, and Tim Mitchell. Brian Knights brother Devin gave his first presentation, I got to spend some time talking with old friend Brian Kelley (who drove down from South Carolina for the event), and my friend Chris Rock did a new presentation this time that went pretty well, showing that his efforts to become a first class speaker are paying dividends.
I also had the chance to evangelize a bit about SQLSaturday, speaking at length with Geoff Hiten (Atlanta), Tim Mitchell (Dallas), and Brian Kelly (Columbia, SC), and a lot of others in less detail. More on that later in the week, but it's clear there is interest, just a lot of education to be done.
My own sessions went well, my standard one on Transactional Replication is always well received, and I did an impromptu session on Professional Development and Mentoring that was part lecture/part Q&A. There's definitely a need for mentors and career guidance, now to find a way to help provide it!
Later in the week I'll some notes about things we can do to improve next time.
Wishing for a SQLSaturday in your area? Let us know you're interested! http://www.sqlsaturday.com/interested.aspx
Two weeks ago I did five posts on mentoring, and based on that I received a couple interesting notes, here is one, posted with the permission of the sender:
"I have been in the position of having a mentor. A good mentor is the best friend and guide you can have. Of course, a bad mentor can do serious damage. When I began seriously coding in Perl I had the most wonderful mentor. He worked with a group of us: answering questions, suggesting ways to do things or areas we should research, but never actually doing our work for us. He made us learn. And daily he held a half hour group session when we covered one command or question or just some batch of code we all wanted to understand better.
In all my years in computers, I think I learned more in the years I had a mentor than in all the years I tried to figure things out for myself. A good mentor doesn't just give you the answer, he forces you to think and reason out the answer. He's a guide, saving hours in needless research, but providing the tools and knowledge to point us to the answers. He doesn't try to force his way of thinking on you, he discusses and tosses ideas around, and with brainstorming and involvement comes understanding and learning. Mentors involve you in your own learning process, and I believe everyone learns better when they feel a part of the process, not the brunt of it."
Imagine having that kind of impact on another person!
As a mentor I'm looking for someone with the drive to learn and grow, and willing to acknowledge that they don't know it all yet/could possibly learn something from me. It's certainly not that I know it all, I'm reminded daily that is not the case! But if they can't admit openly areas of weakness, you just won't make any progress. The door to learning opens when you can say 'I have something to learn about this'. A protege has to work hard at assignments, but they have to work harder at thinking and following through. Mentoring a protege might seem like child raising, but it's not. If a protege continously drops the ball without making the attempt to reset expectations, things will ultimately fail. Cold hard fact - I'm investing time in someone that in most cases is a gift, I'll never make money from it (or want to), and all I want is to see that time used well.
As a protege remember to think! Move beyond your comfort zone and really think and challenge your mentor during discussions. They are not always right, but they have hard won experience and if you're smart, learn the lessons by proxy where you can. Be patient when your mentor challenges you with assignments that don't thrill you. For example, several years ago I had a protege/employee that had a lot of aptitude, but just didn't seem to understand how to be a good employee. Three months as a team lead with real responsibility quickly showed how painful it is to deal with those that don't complete tasks, don't follow up, don't communicate, etc, etc. It didn't fix everything, but it was a window into the next step, and taught some valuable lessons about how not to be the pain in the ass some of his peers were when he was leading.
Remember that it doesn't always have to be hard core long term mentoring. As a trainer I spend a lot of time with those wanting to learn, and we often have ad hoc conversations about how they might take the next career steps. You might be surprised how much a 15 minute conversation can do to open doors for someone that doesn't see the path.
Finally, I'll add that mentoring works best in person, but that doesn't mean it can't work via phone or email. Just remember that you have fixed resources and that you want to do well by your protege (or two), and not short change them by spreading yourself too thin. Mentoring is a gift, and you get to choose who to give it to based on whatever criteria you want!
One of the dangers of mentoring someone on your team is that you can easily be perceived as biased, and the protege as the 'teachers pet'. In fact those are pretty close to the truth! It just doesn't work to mentor someone that you don't believe in and because of that, you'll give them more of your time, and put more thought into the assignments they get. Does that mean you shouldn't mentor one of your own? Ideally I'd say yes, but practically speaking most organizations aren't big enough to support anything else. That's one of the reasons I suggest putting in place a full coaching and professional development methodology, it helps those that for whatever reason aren't a good fit as a protege (it's all about chemistry) and gives you some cover (just being honest here) so that you're not seen as neglecting your team. In practice you should work things so that any unusual time devoted to mentoring is in addition to the proteges standard schedule.
What about mentoring someone on another team in the company? Again, you have to be careful about perception, and in particular about how you discuss the manager with the protege and vice versa. Undercutting another manager is a recipe for pain, but sometimes the reason you're mentoring is because they haven't learned or don't care to participate in mentoring (or being a good manager/leader!). I think it works best when you have a good relationship with the manager, because you can share some - not all - of how the mentoring is going with the hopes of steering the protege into growth situations.
The easiest scenario in terms of conflict is someone from outside the company, the downside is that you only get their side of things in most cases, you're not seeing them handle things at work. Easiest, and my favorite scenario.
I think sometimes a lot of what we call mentoring might be appropriately called coaching. Before you go trying to build a mentoring platform in your organization, make sure you've implemented the following:
None of that requires a lot of work on your part (the manager that is) and for a few of your employees will be deeply appreciated. Some won't care, some will participate lightly, but the ones that love that you're helping them build their career - those are mentoring candidates! See if they can self motivate some and then decide if the chemistry is right to move to a mentoring relationship and the deeper commitment that requires.
It's always good to find a book or two on a subject when you want to be good at something. I grabbed two from Amazon, the first being The Elements of Mentoring ($15) and I've found it to be a very good book. It's actually written by a mentor/protege pair! The book breaks mentoring down into a lot of sub lessons, with overall there being more emphasis on the mentor side of sides because that's where the responsibility/power is. They talk about moving from accidental to deliberate mentoring, choosing proteges wisely, and even long term issues such as when the mentoring has to end for whatever reason. I thought they also spoke well about the dangers involved - not trying to be a mental health counselor, caution about the power involved in being a mentor, and even the dangers of sex between mentor/protege.
I learned a lot, but really it also awed me a bit - I won't say that I viewed mentoring as simple or as a trivial task, but this really impressed up on me the huge responsibility you incur as a mentor.
I think it's a must read for both mentor and protege, I think a great way to review the goals and ground rules of the relationship.
Mentoring is something I think a lot of us wish for and that few of us find. Few businesses encourage it and even if they do, in my experience it's absolutely about chemistry - can't be an arranged marriage! It's been on my mind lately as in the course of a few weeks I've had several different people ask me about it as far as trying to organize it and make it successful. I'm by no means an expert, but I have some experience and I've seen both good and bad results from it - so I can at least talk about it some.
First, I'd say that it's my experience that those willing to mentor others are typically the best and brightest, the ones you want to keep! They are at the point in their career where they are comfortable with their skills, they know what they don't know and have no false pride about admitting it, and have no fears of being upstaged by the new kid on the team. Not to say that you can't be best and bright and not want to mentor, but I think it's less common. On the protege side, again I find it's the best that want the help. For many pride is an issue, admitting they are not perfect is hard if not impossible, as is taking advice from someone who they also see as not perfect. The ones who devalue experience are the ones most unlikely to be good proteges, or to even want to be mentored if available. The hungry ones, those are the good proteges!
I look at my own career(s) and while I've had some great role models, I've never had the benefit of a real mentor and while I'll never know, I think I could have grown further and faster with the help of one. Even at this point I'd enjoy a mentor, someone to challenge me, especially on the business side of things. I grow a lot from good peer discussions, especially with my thoughtful friend Steve Jones, but it's not quite the same. I do a little mentoring of my own, and that is a growth experience of a different kind, absolutely worth doing.
More thoughts on practical matters in the next post.
