InstantForum.NET v2.9.0SQLServerCentralhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/notifications@sqlservercentral.comSat, 25 May 2013 18:35:11 GMT20http://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxI know I am late and that maybe no-one will read this but I have to write it anyway (for self-evident reasons):[quote]Pure Muppetry = where the reason for doing something is not justifiable from ANYONE'S perspective!!![/quote]Obviously kudos to Henson, Henson and colleagues...Fri, 06 Jan 2012 03:35:53 GMTGary Vargahttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxHere is one of my favorite sayings in the IT industry as a whole:"Doing a good job around here is like pissing your pants in a dark suit. You get a real warm feeling, but other than that nobody else notices.":-DFri, 24 Jun 2011 16:38:50 GMTTravisDBAhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]Terry Low-350996 (6/16/2011)[/b][hr] "Databases only like two words....ALWAYS and NEVER"[/quote]I think I will borrow that for the future. I've had a lot of "sometimes" requests for data extraction lately; it's hard to get some people to understand why T-SQL is not the same as a set of human eyes. As for "it is what it is" I am quite guilty of using that. :Whistling: I am trying to say "We've been bemoaning why we have to do this in the first place (and putting out "shoulda coulda woulda" alternate scenarios) but there just isn't any way of getting around this task." and thankfully my coworkers usually get it.I think my favorite phrase is "This process was built with shoestring and bubblegum." It really helps convey to techies and non-techies alike how non-robust some of our business processes have been in the past.Fri, 17 Jun 2011 09:37:09 GMThwellshttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxThanks for adding the link to the Dilbert site, it was indeed this comic! To ad just one little one-liner:Wow, it works! But what did I do?Fri, 17 Jun 2011 03:53:02 GMTvliethttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx"Pushing on a string" As in, you can push on a string all you want but progress only is made when someone is also pulling it from it the other end. Example: if you are sending someone multiple emails about the same thing, and if they are not responding, you may very well be just pushing on a string. Similar to the more well-known phrase "It takes two to tango."Thu, 16 Jun 2011 19:29:28 GMTBob Abernethyhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxSigns of trouble that resonate:What can possibly go wrong?How hard can it be?Of course I know what I am doing.There should be no impact to the business.It works on my machine.Didn't you get my email?It's OK, we don't need a backup, it's a simple fixHum, that's weird.Does it normally do that?Thu, 16 Jun 2011 14:14:02 GMTMichael Valentine Joneshttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]Dan.Humphries (6/16/2011)[/b][hr]A phrase that makes me slighlty crazy and want to kill everyone in my office is "It is what it is"Of Course it is what it is has anything ever not been what it was? Also I find that this is being said when people simply don;t want to look for a solution so they say "It is what it is."[/quote]That's life, it is what it is.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 14:00:14 GMTMichael Valentine Joneshttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxA phrase that makes me slighlty crazy and want to kill everyone in my office is "It is what it is"Of Course it is what it is has anything ever not been what it was? Also I find that this is being said when people simply don;t want to look for a solution so they say "It is what it is."Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:25:08 GMTDan.Humphrieshttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]GSquared (6/16/2011)[/b][hr][quote][b]Peter Maloof (6/16/2011)[/b][hr][quote][b]Andy Warren (6/15/2011)[/b][hr]Got a phrase that you use to share a difficult concept?[/quote]Non-technical person: "It's working! What was the problem?"Me: "You don't really want to know."Non-technical person: "Oh. OK, well thanks; have a good day."[/quote]The problem with "you don't want to know" is that it often comes across as "I'm too embarassed to tell you, so I'm going to try to blow you off".Better to stick with the traditional versions. "I had to retorque the hypercapacitors in the positronic flux array", and the such. :-)[/quote]Useful for those situations where you accidentally leave the database in single user mode before leaving out for the day? :-DThu, 16 Jun 2011 13:09:15 GMTEric M Russellhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxWhen I'm working on a problem for a user, I normally end up telling them I have "half an idea" for how to fix it. The best part is that those half ideas are usually the ones that work. :-DThu, 16 Jun 2011 13:00:49 GMTLightVaderhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][Better to stick with the traditional versions. "I had to retorque the hypercapacitors in the positronic flux array", and the such. :-)[/quote]LOL!!Thu, 16 Jun 2011 12:28:25 GMTsing4youhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]Peter Maloof (6/16/2011)[/b][hr][quote][b]Andy Warren (6/15/2011)[/b][hr]Got a phrase that you use to share a difficult concept?[/quote]Non-technical person: "It's working! What was the problem?"Me: "You don't really want to know."Non-technical person: "Oh. OK, well thanks; have a good day."[/quote]The problem with "you don't want to know" is that it often comes across as "I'm too embarassed to tell you, so I'm going to try to blow you off".Better to stick with the traditional versions. "I had to retorque the hypercapacitors in the positronic flux array", and the such. :-)Thu, 16 Jun 2011 12:20:58 GMTGSquaredhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]Andy Warren (6/15/2011)[/b][hr]Got a phrase that you use to share a difficult concept?[/quote]Non-technical person: "It's working! What was the problem?"Me: "You don't really want to know."Non-technical person: "Oh. OK, well thanks; have a good day."Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:42:31 GMTPeter Maloofhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxFully Baked is a great one for non-techs and techs alike!I also like "transparent". It worked in one particular shop quite well for non-techs as "don't worry, we know we could rock your world if we get this wrong but you won't even notice a change" and for non-techs as "buckle in tight, we're going to modify the plumbing, we have to get this one right".Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:28:39 GMTopc.threehttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]vliet (6/16/2011)[/b][hr]...It is often very difficult to explain to ordinary users (especialy managers) why you can't extract the data they need from the available databases. This phrase is used to make a long story short :-) and has the pleasing side-effect of painting a puzzling frown on that person's face.[/quote]Sadly it's not just 'ordinary users', often people who should really know better build whole arguments on data that's quite likely innaccurate, or even dead wrong. Plenty of examples in the newspapers.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:13:42 GMTjay-hhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx "Databases only like two words....ALWAYS and NEVER"Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:12:10 GMTTerry Low-350996http://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]majorbloodnock (6/16/2011)[/b][hr]Anyone like a game of [url=http://www.companyculture.com/topics/BullshitBingo.htm]bullshit bingo[/url]?[/quote]This helped me to "evolve cross-platform architectures".Web Economy Bullshit Generator[url]http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html[/url]Thu, 16 Jun 2011 10:55:52 GMTMichael Valentine Joneshttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxOK guys, let's "keep it in scope" with what Andy is asking for: [quote]...phases we use with our IT colleagues and our employers and clients to help them understand something, perhaps most commonly when we are trying to describe things that can or can't be changed or done or undone. [/quote]I didn't see a request for phrases to insult the user with, all though that would be a good blog too. ;-)Thu, 16 Jun 2011 10:35:14 GMTAlan Voganhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxAnyone like a game of [url=http://www.companyculture.com/topics/BullshitBingo.htm]bullshit bingo[/url]?Thu, 16 Jun 2011 10:23:23 GMTmajorbloodnockhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxI asked you for the time, not how to build a clock. We don't need to boil the ocean. (Stay within scope)I don't care what freight I haul. (shifting priorities are not a problem)I'm staying under the radar. (trying to avoid scrutiny)Out of office and off the grid (not planning to check my email, pick up my phone or check messages or log into the VPN)He's building his nest (new upper management hiring people they know and have worked with and disregarding current employees)Thu, 16 Jun 2011 09:56:34 GMTJP Dakotahttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]vliet (6/16/2011)[/b][hr][quote]I can multiply them too.[/quote]This phrase has become common along members of our DBA team after an infamous 'Dilbert', where a manager asks for some specific data. If the employee emphasizes on the fact that neither of the corporate systems has the correct data, the manager responds to him with the question: can you average them? The phrase mentioned above is the only possible correct answer ...It is often very difficult to explain to ordinary users (especialy managers) why you can't extract the data they need from the available databases. This phrase is used to make a long story short :-) and has the pleasing side-effect of painting a puzzling frown on that person's face.[/quote][url]http://search.dilbert.com/comic/Multiply[/url]Thu, 16 Jun 2011 09:46:05 GMTMichael Valentine Joneshttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxI've always like "immaculate correction" when something just magically starts working again.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 09:41:42 GMTsing4youhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote]I can multiply them too.[/quote]This phrase has become common along members of our DBA team after an infamous 'Dilbert', where a manager asks for some specific data. If the employee emphasizes on the fact that neither of the corporate systems has the correct data, the manager responds to him with the question: can you average them? The phrase mentioned above is the only possible correct answer ...It is often very difficult to explain to ordinary users (especialy managers) why you can't extract the data they need from the available databases. This phrase is used to make a long story short :-) and has the pleasing side-effect of painting a puzzling frown on that person's face.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 09:39:45 GMTvliethttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]Knut Boehnert (6/16/2011)[/b][hr]I know this as "Pebkac" - Problem exists between keyboard and chair.[/quote]I use 'squishy bit' e.g. the problem with the system is the squishy bit in the chair. I'm sure it's from an xkcd cartoon strip but I can never remember exactly where I got it from.Cover Your *** (CYA) is one that I use quite heavily as an MI / ETL person when users are resistant to doing their duty for changes or when they're trying to get me to cut corners.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 09:30:38 GMTSteph Lockehttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]Uripedes Pants (6/16/2011)[/b] ... "Oh, you need to talk to me in CAPITOL LETTERS TODAY".[/quote] LOL! :-PI love little communication break throughs like that. Some things work for some people.Phrases I like to use:[b]"TANSTAAFL" [/b]: from Robert Heinlein, "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch". Works well when talking with accounting about why things cost what they cost.[b]"Automatic": [/b] I use this a lot to describe processes and procedures that will require a lot of work on my part but will either not be seen by the user or will only require a push of a button. [b]"Seemless": [/b]much the same as automatic. Though it may be tempting, don't substitute the word 'magic' for either of these. You will sound like the D&D geek that you truly are.[b]"What do you want to happen?" or "What's the process?"[/b]: a lot of times managers come in with a "technical process" that they heard about and want to do it because, obviously, they heard about it (thanks marketing!) and we need to do it! I usually say something like, 'Yes, that's a good idea.' and then try to figure out what they want accomplished. Usually not the same thing and usually we are already doing it with different technology.[b]"Good morning, how are you?":[/b] Many times people just walk in and start talking. Remind them your human.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 09:27:56 GMTAlan Voganhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxthis isn't really an IT phrase, but a couple of us hung on to it. Several years ago I was trying to explain something to a coworker who just wasn't there that day... after several rounds of deer-in-the-headlights, she suddenly made the break-through and said, "Oh, you need to talk to me in CAPITOL LETTERS TODAY".Thu, 16 Jun 2011 08:18:59 GMTUripedes Pantshttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxOnly just remembered. Most of our users don't understand much about the IT infrastructure necessary to support the business, but when a colleague called himself a network ferret, the penny dropped for everyone.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 08:15:56 GMTmajorbloodnockhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx"Frequent Flyer": a term used to describe a user that requires an excessive amount of attention from IT or training resources. Thu, 16 Jun 2011 08:09:45 GMTJeff Kunkel-812485http://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]andycao (6/16/2011)[/b][hr]"Do you want a Yugo, a Buick, or a Porsche?" I use that when the business asks for a quick, but potentially long-living database application. Then I explain you can do simply collect the information in Excel, or get some querying capability in MS Access, or wait a little longer and a get a top-of-line fast-running, scalable, maintainable solution on SQL Server.[/quote]A Toyota Corola isn't as fast as a Porsche or as cheap as Yugo, but it is reliable, has plenty of legg room, and comes equipped with the standard options. If I had to compare the databases I design to a car, that's what it would be; a Corola.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 08:00:39 GMTEric M Russellhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxA good few years ago, a guy called Keith Bontrager, when heading up a company manufacturing mountain bike parts, summed up his customers' buying dilemma - and the compromise every manufacturer had to balance - by saying "Cheap, light, strong. Pick any two". I've used the same format several times in different scenarios to highlight to my customers necessary compromises e.g. "Cheap, on time, fully functional; pick any two"Thu, 16 Jun 2011 07:55:55 GMTmajorbloodnockhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx2 of my faves where I work are:"Do you want a Yugo to pull a Semi Trailer?"and"You have a toothpick holding up the fortress."This is usually reserved for some of the Access databases they have around here that I have to support..:crying:Thu, 16 Jun 2011 07:44:43 GMTmichael.packardhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx"Do you want a Yugo, a Buick, or a Porsche?" I use that when the business asks for a quick, but potentially long-living database application. Then I explain you can do simply collect the information in Excel, or get some querying capability in MS Access, or wait a little longer and a get a top-of-line fast-running, scalable, maintainable solution on SQL Server.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 07:29:46 GMTandycaohttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxAndy, I have to say, your flying ship phrase amused me.One that I've misappropriated is "data stream", to indicate the flow of data from first arrival to final rest or evaporation. Business people "get it" when I use that phrase. They easily grasp that the stream of data includes people as well as computers, and so on. It's not the "official" definition of the phrase, it's just how I've been misusing it for decades.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 07:13:24 GMTGSquaredhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxOne of my favorite explanatory expressions: "We could do it that way but it would like using a sledge hammer to kill a flea."Thu, 16 Jun 2011 07:11:36 GMTRose Budhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx:-)Thu, 16 Jun 2011 07:08:41 GMTEric M Russellhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxNever use phrases like [i]"I think it's time the [b]rich client[/b] got a new facelift"[/i] or [i]"we need to dump our [b]fat client[/b] for a thin client model"[/i] in front of an actual client who isn't tech savvy. :-)Thu, 16 Jun 2011 07:08:12 GMTEric M Russellhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxOne of my co-workers was a Chinese national and sometimes his command of the English language - coupled with his brevity - led to some "inside jokes" for the DBA group that are still used, years after their first introduction to a conversation (in this case, about troubleshooting). One of these lasting quotes was simply..."Database fine."Luckily, he was a good sport and knew we weren't poking fun at him when we repeated it as the occasion required shorthand for "stop blaming the database for bad code" and fit nicely on one occasion when we discovered the cause of "performance problems" blamed on the database to be a [huge, very complicated] query that started with "SELECT DISTINCT *" ...Thu, 16 Jun 2011 06:49:44 GMTYour Name Herehttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxThis turkey will not flyThu, 16 Jun 2011 04:19:08 GMTS Hodkinsonhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspx[quote][b]Knut Boehnert (6/16/2011)[/b][hr]I know this as "Pebkac" - Problem exists between keyboard and chair.[/quote]...also known as the eye-dee-ten-tee problem (ID10T) or the "layer 8 issue" (the logical extension to the 7 layer OSI model being the user).In IT terms, one can talk of an app "automagically" populating something rather than trying to explain the algorithm behind the real time lookup and insertion. However, many's the time when a techie will try to explain something to a non-techie, but will use so much jargon that the explanation is worse than the original concept. In that case, the techie could be accused of "simplicating".Thu, 16 Jun 2011 03:41:12 GMTmajorbloodnockhttp://www.sqlservercentral.com/Forums/Topic1126238-263-1.aspxI know this as "Pebkac" - Problem exists between keyboard and chair.Thu, 16 Jun 2011 03:30:53 GMTKnut Boehnert